


Slowly, Till it Fades

by ohhello



Series: These Words You Don't Hear and Companion Fics [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Development, Fluff, Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Second Year Karasuno, Slow Burn, Tsukishima Kei is also emotionally dense, Tsukishima Kei is hopelessly in love with his best friend, Unresolved Romantic Tension, continuation fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-08 15:05:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11649072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhello/pseuds/ohhello
Summary: Second year prequel toThese Words You Don't Hear.Second year Kei is beginning to love volleyball. He's also beginning to realize he's in love with Tadashi.





	1. Unchanging, Familiar

**Author's Note:**

> I said I'd have this up by July and it's still July! Barely...
> 
> I'm so happy to be able to present this work to you guys! So far it's looking to be around 20,000 words and per the usual I'll update weekly on Friday or Saturday nights. Hopefully people are still interested in reading Tsukkiyama fics- I've been a little slow.
> 
> If you haven't read [These Words You Don't Hear](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8363374/chapters/19157851) that's okay! I've created this series in a way that you can either read it chronologically by reading this fic first or by reading TWYDH first and then being able to fill in some of the blanks later on by reading this one. Either way it's a whole lot of pining.
> 
> As always this work is edited by the truly wonderful[bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth).

“I think I got taller! Don’t I look taller? I feel taller!” Kei can hear Hinata shouting at Kageyama as they wait outside the nurse’s room.

“You still look pretty damn short to me.”

“Ka-ge-YA-MA,” Hinata whines, and Kei tries not to roll his eyes as he steps away from the height scale. He glances back at Ukai-san, watching as he tells Yachi-san to mark down “190.1 cm” into the record book.

“No change this time, Tsukishima-kun,” Ukai-san states as he motions for a first year to step up next.

Yachi-san looks up at him and smiles warmly. “Maybe next time.” 

Kei hums in acknowledgment, giving a nod before walking away toward the gym.

It’s almost a novelty that his height hasn’t changed; it’s the first time in years that the numbers haven’t crept up (or in some cases, blown up). Though, it’s only been five months since they last did this in November before nationals.

How much could their stats have changed, really? 190.1 cm is perfectly acceptable for a middle blocker, though he can’t help but wonder what closing those nine millimeters would do for his blocking. Or even adding another three or four centimeters. He wonders if Shinzen’s Chigaya or Datekou’s Aone have grown this year.

Oh, well. What he lacks in actual growth he’s planning on more than making up for in his new blocking reach. He’s going to blow his previous 325 cm out of the water.

Kei opens the door to the gym in time to see Tanaka-san whooping and high-fiving Tadashi.

Tadashi is grinning wide, letting himself be manhandled by an overexuberant Tanaka-san, and Kei realizes he must have grown - and by a significant amount if Tanaka-san’s yelling is anything to go by.

Kei takes a moment to look at Tadashi. He doesn’t ever notice him getting taller. Actually, come to think of it, he’s not sure he would be able to pinpoint when the height gap closed between them. He frowns, trying to find a time within his memory where he started to notice he wasn’t looking down at a much smaller version of Tadashi, but he can only imagine them at the height they are now.

Not that it really matters.

Tadashi catches his eye and starts to walk over to him, tilting his head in question.

“Still 190.1,” Kei says drily. It’s not like he really cares.

“182,” Tadashi says excitedly. He pauses, and Kei raises an eyebrow as Tadashi steps closer, his arms crossing in an intimidating pose. He tilts his chin so he’s almost nose to nose with Kei, trying to look serious, but Kei can see the playful glint in his eye as he goes on. “At this rate I might get taller than you. Maybe you should start worrying about your spot as a starter.”

Kei pushes at his glasses and pulls himself up as tall as he can get. “Bring it, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi quirks his mouth awkwardly, clearly trying his best not to grin, and says almost petulantly, “Can’t you pretend to be at least a little bit intimidated?”

Before Kei can get out a retort he’s interrupted by loud squawking coming from behind him. Hinata is shouting, running up to wide-eyed first years for high-fives, with Nishinoya-san trailing not far behind, just as loud.

“Nothing fazes me after being on a team with that.”

“Oh my god, Tsukki.” Tadashi’s eyes crinkle as he finally pulls his mouth into the smile that’s been threatening to break out.

 

* * *

 

Things have been different since the third years graduated. The high that the team had ridden after Nationals seems to have waned with the realization that the team has lost a part of itself. Kei is still half expecting to hear Daichi-san yelling at Nishinoya-san or Tanaka-san every time they do something ridiculous, though Ennoshita-san seems to be doing just fine handling those two on his own.

The new first years are okay. He doesn’t feel like getting to know them, but that’s no different than how he feels being presented with any new person.

He stands on the sidelines while they do their chalk touches on the basketball backboard. Somehow, Takeda-sensei is able to offer fresh words of encouragement to each one.

Kei pops the top to his water bottle repeatedly as he watches them, trying to assess their skill.

_That kid has a good reach._

_He’s okay._

_Passable._

_Good form, precise movements. Not bad._

_That kid either won’t last in volleyball or his saving grace will have to be receives._

“You need to stop intimidating the first years, Tsukki.” Kei glances over as Tadashi joins him at his side.

“I’m just standing here,” Kei says, but when he slides his gaze back to the group of first years, he realizes they are indeed watching him with slight concern.

He starts as a finger presses over the bridge of his glasses.

“You’re scowling, Tsukki.” Tadashi lifts his finger off quickly and exchanges the touch for a punch to Kei’s shoulder. “Yachi needs help lifting the jumping blocks.”

Kei reaches to fiddle with his glasses and pouts slightly. “I wasn’t scowling.”

He wasn’t.

Tadashi just laughs at him as he turns away.

 

* * *

 

Besides volleyball, not a lot has changed since first year. Classes, homework, classmates - it all feels the same to Kei. Unchanging, familiar.

Even the cleaning duty rotations seem to be the same.

Kei watches, uninterested, as two of his classmates giggle over something while they clap erasers over the lip of the open window.

He sighs as he wipes down the desks one by one, making sure to push the chairs in evenly after each. He really just wants to be at practice.

He pauses as he gets to Tadashi’s desk. A tiny smiley face with a “Hi! Tsukki!” has been drawn in pencil on the desk surface. Kei rolls his eyes fondly and sprays it, wiping it clean.

“Tsukishima-kun?”

_Kun._

He turns around to one of the girls holding a small trash bag out to him. She’s smiling in the way Kei hates it when girls smile at him - like she wants something.

“Would you be okay with taking this out?”

He thinks of Tadashi waiting for him downstairs and feels a tiny prick of irritation that he’ll have to wait longer.

“Sure.”

The girl hands him the bag, blushing slightly, and warbles out a, “Thank you, Tsukishima-kun.”

She totters off to her friend, who is putting the mop into the cabinet. Kei sees her grab her friend and they giggle into their hands.

Not even that has changed since first year.

He shoots a quick text to Tadashi telling him not to wait for him. He’ll meet him at practice.

 

* * *

 

Kei holds the garbage bag away from himself with a grimace as he rounds the corner of the school building. He just needs to get rid of this and then he can go to practice.

He stops short as he’s met with the sight of a third-year student boxing a girl in against the wall, and Kei instantly wishes he was anywhere but here as he watches the boy dip in for a kiss.

_What the hell. I just need to throw this away._

Kei walks past them, dropping the garbage bags with more gusto than strictly necessary. He hears a small squeak of surprise from the girl.

“Don’t mind me...or anyone else.” He sets his face into placidity as he walks by the couple again.

The girl is blushing, covering her face in embarrassment while the boy stares at her with wide eyes, shell-shocked. He’s not even bothering to look at Kei. Kei realizes that maybe he’s just interrupted someone’s first kiss.

Not his fault.

_That’s what they get for having a first kiss next to a trash bin._

 

* * *

 

Of course, Tadashi wants to know why he was in such a sour mood when he came into practice. Kei walks ahead of him as they step out of the school gate, rolling his shoulder, trying to get rid of the feeling of tightness tonight’s practice brought on.

“Kissing.”

“What!?” Tadashi sounds alarmed as he stops abruptly. “Kiss...ing?”

Kei stops as well, momentarily surprised at Tadashi’s outburst.

“When I went to put the garbage away there was a couple kissing.” Kei makes a face. “I thought the ’boxing in’ thing was just a cliche. Apparently not…”

Tadashi stares at him before he bursts out laughing. “Maybe that’s just what the kids are doing these days. You have to keep up with the times, Tsukki.” His eyes crinkle as his smile grows larger.

Kei raises an eyebrow at him.

Tadashi fumbles, “Ah, not that I would know.” There’s a pause before he continues with an uncertain, “Or you either. Haha.”

Kei levels a look at him that says, “absolutely not and no thank you.”

Tadashi laughs louder this time, reaching out to tug lightly on the straps of Kei’s bag. “Let’s go get a drink at Sakanoshita. I think I owe you one from last week.”

Kei tries to bite back a smile. “If you owe me a drink, shouldn’t I be the one to bring up the return favor first?”

“I’m anticipating your need for a drink.”

Kei says nothing and turns away, adjusting his headphones against his neck. He pauses and turns back to Tadashi, “Yamaguchi- I have this great idea. We should go grab a drink at Sakanoshita.”

“Tsukki! What a great idea!” Tadashi beams at him, playfulness sparkling behind his eyes.

Kei begins to walk again and Tadashi falls into pace next to him. “Nothing over 250 yen though, I’m not made of cash, you know.”

“Such a bother,” Kei mutters, as grumpily as possible. Tadashi snickers, bumping Kei’s shoulder with his own in a half-hearted attempt to topple him.

 

* * *

  

 

> **Ace_senpai** |    | *picture attachment*  
> ---|---|---  
>   |   | HEEEEEY  
> **NOYA** |    | *picture attachment*  
>   |   | YES! GROUPCHAT  
> **Ennoshita** |    | This is a bad idea  
> **Ace_senpai** |    | What’s Hinata’s LINE????  
> **NOYA** |    | Bro, he has a flip phone!  
> **Ace_Senpai** |    | What the fuck. Still!???  
> **KinoshitaH** |    | Hey  
> **NOYA** |    | My poor deprived kohai  
> **Ace_senpai** |    | I wanted everyone in this chat  
>   |   | ノಠ_ಠノ  
> **Setter_Spirit** |    | What is this?  
> **Ace_senpai** |    | It’s bad if even Kageyama has LINE  
> **Setter_Spirit** |    | How did I get this?  
> **YamaTuchi** |    | I put it on your phone Kageyama.  
> **NOYA** |    | NICE Tadashi!!  
> **Setter_Spirit** |    | What is Setter_Spirit?  
>   |   | Is that my name?  
>   |   | How do I change it?  
> **NOYA** |    | NO ONE TELL HIM  
> **nanarita** |    | Hey  
> **YamaTuchi** |    | The team goal should be to get Hinata a smart phone.  
> **YachiH✿** |    | Do you guys really want me to be a part of this?  
> **NOYA** |    | HELL YA YACCHAN!  
> **YachiH✿** |    | Okay, thank you, Nishinoya-senpai  
>   |   | （＾∀＾）  
> **Ace_senpai** |    | Senpai...  
> **TsukKei** |    | I am removing myself immediately.  
  
Kei huffs; at this point he can’t even bring himself to be truly annoyed at the general idiocy of his team.

He would just rather focus on other things - like sleeping.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:05PM]**
> 
> Don’t you dare remove yourself.

   

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:05PM]**
> 
> Has anyone told you that you’re very bossy? 

  

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:06PM]**
> 
> ( •̀_•́ )

  

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:06PM]**
> 
> And very threatening.

  

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:07PM]**
> 
> Fear me

  

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:07PM]**
> 
> I’m so afraid that I’m going to sleep.

 

* * *

 

_Kei is in the gym alone. He’s trying to pick up volleyballs, but he feels heavy and slow. He reaches out to grab the volleyballs from the floor, but it takes an immense amount of effort. Maybe he practiced too hard today._

_He needs to get this done, he has somewhere to be. Someone to see._

_“Tsukki.”_

_Kei straightens and turns, looking for the voice._

_“Kei.”_

_The word is said softly, lovingly, and suddenly freckled arms are boxing him against a wall that’s at his back. Tadashi is so close, just barely shorter than him._

_Tadashi is leaning in, raising slightly on his feet to place a kiss on Kei’s cheek, then on the corner of his mouth._

_Kei’s waiting, sliding his hands up to rest at Tadashi’s waist._

_He’s never kissed someone before._

_No._

_He’s kissed Tadashi many times, he must have. This feels so comfortable._

_He feels his body hold in a breath as he realizes that Tadashi is going to kiss him fully. He doesn’t want to close his eyes. Doesn’t want to miss the freckles gracing the crest of Tadashi’s cheekbones or the sight of Tadashi’s eyelashes fluttering shut._

Kei wakes with a start.

He stares at the ceiling, blinking slowly. His brain is trying to wade through the feeling of sleep and the strange imprint of fondness and contentment the dream has left him with.

Kei sighs and reaches for his phone, squinting against the brightness of the screen as he unlocks it.

5:20am.

He rests the phone against his chest and closes his eyes. So much for sleeping in.

Kei frowns, his mouth twitching in semi-annoyance. He’s sure he only dreamed that because of what he saw yesterday after school. His brain is trying to process those kinds of relationships, and since Tadashi is the closest person to him, it decided to give him a starring role. 

He picks his phone up again and opens a web browser.

He pauses in contemplation before typing “Kissing best friend in dream”.

He reads down the line of posts. “What Does it Mean When I Dream About Kissing?”, “Relationships in Dreams”, “Kissing- Dream Moods”. How scientific.

He makes a face before choosing an article entitled “Interpret a Dream- Kissing My Best Friend”.

 

> Most dreams are symbolic and do not mean what they show. A kiss is how people "get close" and lips and mouth are how we communicate, so the dream relates to “communicating in a special and close way". Bottom Line: The dream suggests you and your best friend will have a moment of sharing and communicate in a close way; the closeness will feel good, showing you getting past your shyness as you open up to a friend.

 

That doesn’t help. He’s not sure what kind of answer he was looking for, but the words don’t seem to fit. He isn’t shy and it’s not like there’s anything about him that Tadashi doesn’t already know. Probably. 

Whatever. 

It’s just a dream.


	2. Forms of Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow Kei has been left alone with Kageyama as Hinata and Tadashi are on a mission to win something from the crane machine stuffed into the corner of the restaurant. 
> 
> Kei momentarily considers never forgiving Tadashi for this, but decides that he’ll just deduct some brownie points. 
> 
> Kageyama fiddles with the empty hamburger wrapper on his tray, folding and unfolding it in an endless loop. Kei glances off to the side, watching as Hinata practically climbs onto Tadashi’s back in encouragement, doing his best to yell directions. Tadashi is deep in concentration, so much so that his tongue is sticking out in the effort it’s taking him. 
> 
> Kei almost lets himself use the word cute before turning back to look at his own tray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is having a great week!
> 
> As always this work is edited by the truly wonderful [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth).

Kei stares at his phone as it vibrates on his desk. He sighs before picking it up, balancing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he shuffles through his homework.

“Hey, Kei!” comes Akiteru’s cheery voice from the other end.

“When will you learn to text instead of call?”

“I’m great, Kei. Thanks for asking. You, the light of my life.”

Kei rolls his eyes in response.

“Do you have practice after school on Friday?”

“No, it’s our off weekend.” Kei taps his pencil on his desktop. “Why?”

“The guys want to play. You want to come? I was thinking you could bring Tadashi, Hinata and Kageyama.”

“Hinata and Kageyama?”

“Yep.”

“You think I want-”

Akiteru doesn't even let him finish, probably anticipating any objections Kei might have. “You’ll have Tadashi. It’ll be fine.”

“Tch.”

“Awesome. I’ll call you you when I get an exact time.”

“You’ll _text_ me with the exact time.”

“Mmhm. Say hi to mom and dad for me.”

“You can call me, but you can’t call them?”

“It’s like a 40-minute phone call when I call mom!”

Kei gets up, pops his head outside his bedroom, and calls down the hallway, “Mom! Akiteru’s on the phone and wants to say hi.”

“Kei!”

 

* * *

 

“Tsukishima-kun!” Akaizawa-san bellows. “Come to fight me again?”

Kei nods once.

“Oh! I’ve seen you on tv!” He watches as one of Akiteru’s teammates places his hand on top of Hinata’s head. “You’re even shorter than I thought!”

Kei snickers as Hinata’s eyes go wide in shock and he sputters, “I grew.” Hinata puffs up slightly before stating proudly, “I’m 165 cm now!” Behind him Kageyama is nodding forcefully.

Akiteru’s teammate grins at Hinata. “Good for you!”

“Don’t let Kouichi-kun insult you, Hinata. He’s just jealous that someone younger than him is better at volleyball,” Akiteru quips as he walks up behind them, hitting Kouichi-kun over the head with the side of his palm.

“You’ve seen him as well.” Akiteru gestures to Kageyama, who bows stiffly.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kageyama Tobio.”

“The genius setter!” Another one of Akiteru’s teammates claps Kageyama on the back. “We’ve been dying to play against you.”

“Uh, thank you,” Kageyama says, looking a little lost.

Akiteru walks up to Tadashi. “And Yamaguchi Tadashi, of course.”

“Oh, what position do you play?”

Kei bristles, biting back a sarcastic remark.

_If you saw the games with Hinata and Kageyama then you should have seen Yamaguchi._

“Just a middle blocker,” Tadashi says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh yeah! I remember now!”

“He’s got that killer jump float serve!” Akiteru brightens, looking at Tadashi proudly. “It’s pretty awesome.”

“His serves will destroy you,” Kei says, almost before he realizes he’s saying it.

“Well I don’t know about that…” Tadashi flushes, waving his arms out weakly.

“Oh?” Akaizawa-san teases. “You think you can beat us old folks, huh?”

 

* * *

 

Volleyball has been different since Nationals. Kei feels more controlled, more sure of himself. Since the adrenaline pumping, all-consuming stress of the Nationals circuit, any game played outside of a competition seems like child’s play. Here he doesn’t have to worry that a single mistake could lose a major game for his team.

Akaizawa-san sure seems easier to beat. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that the felt like he couldn’t win? Couldn’t block? Now he doesn’t see the same taunt he is sure had been in Akaizawa-san’s eyes before. Playing against him seems simpler now, slower.

It takes under ten minutes for Kageyama and Hinata to use a quick against the other team.

“Oh my god!”

“I knew it was going to be fast...but I don’t think I realized.”

“You two really are something else. Damn.”

Nothing Kei hasn’t heard before. Playing against Kageyama and Hinata’s quick usually produces an onslaught of interesting reactions, most of them acting like it was a religious experience.

Kei readjusts his sports goggles as Tadashi steps up to the back line, rolling his shoulders once before gripping the ball harder between his open palms.

Kei recognizes the familiar form immediately. Tadashi’s going to do a jump float.

Kei turns toward the net, hears the familiar slide of the ball through hands, the squeak of Tadashi’s shoes before he jumps. Three seconds. There is usually three seconds between the initial impact of Tadashi's hand and the ball reaching into the opposite court. Three seconds to read any possible combination of moves the team across the net will use to get the ball. He’s ready for any of them.

That is, if they can even receive the ball.

Kei knows they aren’t prepared for the serve. No one is the first time it happens.

The ideal is a service ace, which Tadashi pulls off easily.

Akiteru mutters on the other side of the net and Kei raises his eyebrows, taunting him with a slight smirk. Akiteru only smiles back.

“Nice serve, Tadashi!”

“One more.”

The second serve is just like the first.

The third serve Kouichi-kun attempts to receive, clumsily falling forward as he misjudges the angle of descent.

“What the fuck!?”

“We got this, guys. We can receive it.”

Kei glances at his brother again; he knows Akiteru has seen how to beat Tadashi’s serves by watching their games. This time he’s sure Akiteru will try to receive it. He can tell by the furrow of Akiteru’s brow that he’s thinking - calculating.

Kei hears the telltale squeak of Tadashi’s shoes again. Three seconds. He watches as Akiteru locks on to the ball with his eyes and raises his hands for an overhead receive.

Akiteru will set to Akaizawa-san. Kei’s ready, watching as Akaizawa-san gathers up and jumps to spike the ball.

_Left. Shift left._

Kei is there at the height of his jump as Akaizawa-san’s hand spikes the ball. The ball ricochets against Kei’s open palms and drops to the floor.

Perfect block.

Hinata shouts and leaps onto Kageyama, sticking his tongue out at Kouichi-kun, who he seems to be harboring a grudge against.

Kageyama rocks forward from the impact of Hinata against his back and gives Kei a blank faced, “Nice.”

Akiteru is grinning proudly, even as his teammates remind him he’s not supposed to cheer for their opponents.

“Shit! That was a perfect serve and block!”

 

* * *

 

“You guys want to come out with us? We can buy you drinks.” Kouichi-kun winks as he slings an arm around Tadashi’s shoulder.

“Kou-kun, NO!” Akiteru looks appalled at the prospect. Kei is more appalled that Kouichi-kun has decided to drape himself over Tadashi like they’re friends.

“Oh, fine. We’ll leave the kids and we can go out.”

“I’m not sure Akiteru can hold his liquor much better than a kid.” Akaizawa-san grips Akiteru by the shoulders and shakes him good-naturedly.

“Can’t you guys act like I’m cool in front of them?”

“I’m already aware that you are very uncool,” Kei quips as he walks past him to pick up his and Tadashi’s bags.

 

* * *

 

“They have sleepovers! Why can’t we have sleepovers!?”

Kei rolls his eyes at Hinata’s whining as he shuffles his fries around. Hinata has somehow convinced them that “he would die without food” and herded them to the nearest restaurant that would offer them absolutely nothing with nutritional value.

“You just slept over last week,” Kageyama says, scrunching his face. “What the hell are you even talking about?”

“You made me sleep on the floor!”

“On a futon!”

“But they sleep in the same bed.” Hinata flings his hand out toward Kei and Tadashi.

“Why would I sleep in the same bed as you? That’s weird.”

“Is not. Natsu sleeps with me all the time.” Hinata pulls his lower lip into a pout and folds his arms.

“You’re siblings!”

“Is it really that weird?” Tadashi suddeningly asks, frowning.

Kageyama shrugs, not seeming to want to go on with the subject.

Hinata has already moved on, distracted by the drink in front of Kageyama. He’s already reaching for it, snaking an arm under Kageyama’s on the table.

“Let me have a taste.”

“NO WAY! That’s my straw.”

“So?”

“You can’t just use…” Kageyama trails off and watches as Hinata pulls the drink toward him and takes a loud sip, “...my straw.”

There is a flush of red lighting up Kageyama’s cheeks and Kei sees him poke Hinata in the side.

“A taste! Not the whole thing, you idiot!”

Hinata squawks and pokes Kageyama back, sliding the drink back over to him as he scoots closer to Kageyama.

“It was like two tiny sips!”

Kei twitches slightly, brain processing. He has a niggling sensation that he can’t quite put his finger on.

_Are they...flirting?_

His brow furrows at the realization.

Maybe Tadashi notices they are acting weird as well.

He catches Tadashi’s gaze with a questioning look, but Tadashi only looks at him with open curiosity as he reaches out to grab one of Kei’s fries off the tray. Nothing that would say he understands what Kei is silently asking. “Tsukki?”

“Nothing.” Kei shakes his head minutely and Tadashi cocks his head.

Kei bumps his knee against Tadashi’s. _Nevermind._

Hinata doesn’t seem to be fazed by anything that has just happened. “We should try that new family restaurant next time,” he says. “That new one they just built. I think they’re giving away free ice cream!”

 

* * *

 

Somehow Kei has been left alone with Kageyama as Hinata and Tadashi are on a mission to win something from the crane machine stuffed into the corner of the restaurant.

Kei momentarily considers never forgiving Tadashi for this, but decides that he’ll just deduct some brownie points.

Kageyama fiddles with the empty hamburger wrapper on his tray, folding and unfolding it in an endless loop. Kei glances off to the side, watching as Hinata practically climbs onto Tadashi’s back in encouragement, doing his best to yell directions. Tadashi is deep in concentration, so much so that his tongue is sticking out in the effort it’s taking him.

Kei almost lets himself use the word cute before turning back to look at his own tray.

“Yachi told me she’s been collecting as much information as possible on new players.”

Kei looks up at Kageyama, his brain trying to catch up with the break in silence. “...For which schools?”

“Just Miyagi schools for right now. But she said her goal was to get info on the top schools for last year’s nationals by the end of the month.”

“Did she say if she found anything yet?” Kei asks, interested. Fresh blood means new opposing blockers, but also new setters and spikers to get used to.

“Nezumizawa - she said that there’s a rumor going around that they’re...?” Kageyama frowns and Kei wonders if he’s struggling for words. “Uh, fast.”

Kei sighs. “Like ‘bam’ their spikes are fast? Or ‘whoosh’ their plays are fast?” He cringes inwardly for even trying to imitate Kageyama’s and Hinata’s way of describing things.

Kageyama blinks, taking in Kei for a moment. “Like…’whoosh’ their plays are fast.” He pauses to take a loud drink. “But also, they can keep up their speed and stamina for the whole game. They don’t get tired.”

Kei remembers the lead in his legs from nationals. A raw burn that seemed to crawl up his calves and grip at his knees. How much effort it took to fight the strange numbness in his biceps to keep his arms up. Even adrenaline can’t keep the exhaustion at bay forever.

“I wonder what they do at practice?”

“I don’t know.” Kageyama shrugs, going back to playing with his empty wrapper.

Kei pushes his own wrapper around, not sure if he should try to continue the conversation. Talking to Kageyama one on one isn’t something that he makes a habit of.

Kageyama speaks again before Kei has to worry about it for too long.

“I’ve been reading up on conditioning exercises.”

Kei raises an eyebrow in question.

“Running and stretching.”

Kei deflates inwardly - not what he wanted to hear. Running is his weakness whether he likes to admit it or not. He twists his fingers together. “You don’t seem to have any problem running.”

Kageyama shrugs. “It’s habit now. It’s hard to push yourself when you’re alone, though.”

“Well, I don’t even run outside of practice, so...” Kei trails off. He glances back at Tadashi and Hinata. This time Hinata is animatedly trying to maneuver the claw to grasp whatever he had his heart so desperately set on. “You could run with Hinata.”

“Running with Hinata is like trying to herd monkeys.”

Kei bursts out laughing as he envisions Kageyama trying to herd Hinata around the city, both of them ending up hopelessly lost.

Kei balks a bit as he realizes what he’s doing. How many people have seen him genuinely laugh...and now he’s open-mouth laughing at something Kageyama said.

They lapse into silence once again, both of them staring down at their trays.

“If you won’t do it by yourself. You could run with me,” Kageyama says, inspecting his food wrapper. “I start at 5:30am...if.” He looks up and meets Kei’s eyes before looking off to watch Hinata and Tadashi again. “If you’re interested.”

Kei watches him, surprised by the invitation. He almost wants to ask if Kageyama is joking, but there’s nothing to indicate he is. Just Kageyama’s normal face - stiff, awkward, but sincere.

“5:30am,” Kei parrots. “Why not.”

 

* * *

 

Tadashi trails behind Kei slowly, trying to text and walk. They had left Kageyama and Hinata at the usual corner, Hinata clamoring for Kageyama to let him sleep in the bed tonight or at least be kind enough to take the futon. Kei wonders if Hinata will end up winning the argument.

He almost asks Tadashi who he’s texting but opts to stop right in front of him, causing Tadashi to walk into his back.

“Tsukki!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you walking there?”

Tadashi thumps a fist between Kei’s shoulder blades, pushing him forward. “Rude.”

Kei begins walking forward again, throwing a smirk back at Tadashi. “Me? Never.”

Tadashi puts his phone away and jumps to Kei’s side, falling into pace with him.

“Did you notice anything different about Kageyama and Hinata tonight?”

“Different?” Tadashi hums for a moment. “Like haircuts?”

Kei raises an eyebrow, biting back a teasing remark. “No, like how they’re acting towards each other.”

“I don’t think so?” Tadashi’s brows furrow and Kei can see him ruminating on any interaction he’s had with the two recently. “Like bad?”

“No.”

Maybe Tadashi really didn’t notice anything, or maybe Kei is seeing things that aren’t there.

He decides not to push the subject. “Are you staying over tonight?”

Tadashi only makes an affirmative “mmhmm” and kicks his legs out with exaggerated stiffness, making Kei smile.

 

* * *

 

Kei shuffles down into his bed, one side of his body already pressed against his bedroom wall to make room for Tadashi, who is perched on the side of the bed.

Tadashi holds out his hand as Kei takes off his glasses and folds them. He drops them into Tadashi’s waiting palm and Tadashi places the glasses on the nightstand before he turns off the light and gets into bed himself. The action is almost a ritual now after years of sleepovers.

Some nights they fall asleep watching movies, other nights they fall asleep to Tadashi’s chatter, and some nights, like tonight, they spend quietly on their phones. Kei doesn’t know why, but these nights are his favorite. It’s nostalgic in a way that’s surprising considering they only both got phones a couple years ago. Maybe it’s just the feeling of comfort and quiet that Kei feels when they are both endlessly scrolling through social media, Tadashi snickering at photos he’ll send to Kei to look at.

For some reason Kei wants to tell Tadashi about his dream from last week. Part of him wants to know what Tadashi would think, another part of him wants to hear Tadashi laugh and say, “That’s the weirdest dream I’ve ever heard.”

Instead, he opts for something safer, though probably no less surprising. “Kageyama wants me to start running with him.”

He feels Tadashi turn his head, silent - waiting for more or maybe in disbelief. Kei can’t tell.

“Uh...so, I’m going to be running with him in the mornings starting next week.” He stares up at the ceiling, his fingers clenching and unclenching the fabric of his comforter at his waist.

“Wait, really?” Tadashi props himself up on one elbow, looking down at Kei. “With Kageyama?”

“Yeah.” Kei turns his head, looking up at him. “Just for a few weeks to get some conditioning training down.”

Kei’s sure Tadashi understands. He knows Kei is awful at running. Probably the worst on the team, even worse than new players. Tadashi’s stamina is solid though, he never complains - about anything.

“I can’t believe you agreed to it!” Tadashi has a smile in his voice. “That’s great, Tsukki!”

“It might not help. I’m not sure how much I can improve,” Kei replies, purposefully not looking at Tadashi.

There’s a quick movement and Kei yelps as he feels a sharp pinch on his cheek. “OW! Yamaguchi!”

“How about it _will_ help?” Tadashi is giving him his best no-nonsense face. The kind of face that’s reserved for times when he thinks Kei is being too hard on himself.

“It will help,” Kei deadpans, his cheek still pinched between Tadashi’s fingers. Tadashi finally lets go, seemingly satisfied with that answer, and Kei feels the sting sink into his skin.

“That’s better.” Tadashi gives Kei a reassuring nudge before flopping back down, returning to his phone. Kei glances at him, taking in Tadashi’s profile put into soft blue relief from his screen.

There are words to say. Words sitting on the tip of Kei’s tongue that won’t form into sounds. To be honest, Kei isn’t sure what the words would be if he opened his mouth. But the effort of keeping them in feels like an uncomfortable pressure.

Kei frowns as he picks his phone back up off his chest. “I removed myself from the group chat. You can just tell me if I miss anything.”

“Actually, I added you back in.”

Kei sighs, trying not to smile. _Of course you did._ “I’ll delete the app.”

“No, you won’t.”

He won’t.

They lay scrolling through their phones a little while longer before Tadashi yawns loudly and puts his phone down on the bedside table. He turns back, burrowing himself down into the bed.

“Good night, Tsukki.”

“G’night.”

Kei slips his phone under his pillow and rolls to his side, tucking an arm under his head.

“Shit. You’re so good already. You’re going to be unstoppable pretty soon.” Tadashi sighs into his pillow. “I’m going to have to work on some things too.”

Kei huffs contentedly, not bothering to answer. He’s far too comfortable to make the effort. Tadashi already works harder than him by leagues. Kei is the one who needs to play catch-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to yell at me about Haikyuu!! feel free to message me up on Tumblr at [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goesdoki-doki). I will scream with you.


	3. Growing Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mmm.” Kei stretches out his legs, fidgeting with the headphones at his neck. “They wanted to talk about the team schedule for the next couple months.”
> 
> Tadashi takes a drink and then leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
> 
> Kei begins again, “Practice games. Interhigh…and things.”
> 
> They lapse into silence and Kei tries to drum his fingers against his knee to the rhythm of the cricket noises around them.
> 
> “I already know I’m not going to be starting, Tsukki.”
> 
> Kei stills and keeps his eyes trained on the jungle gym in front of them.
> 
> Tadashi continues, “I’m okay with it. Really. I was already expecting it.”
> 
> Kei frowns. I’m not okay with it. I want you out there with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always this work is edited by the truly wonderful [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth). I apparently like writing overly dramatic lines and you have no idea how much drama you were spared in this chapter. I would be nowhere without a beta.

Kei hates running.

_I hate running. I hate running._

He’s saying it like a mantra as he trails behind Kageyama. His chest is uncomfortably tight and he’s regretting not wearing his sports goggles as his frames slide down his nose every few seconds from the sweat. It’s irritating.

Kageyama has set a minimum of five kilometers, with a revolution of sprints and jogs. Kei has so far resisted the urge to look at his phone to see how long before he can stop. If Kageyama can do this, so can he.

He doesn’t _want_ to do this.

But something about seeing Kageyama barely breaking a sweat in front of him annoys Kei enough that he momentarily feels like he can run five more kilometers after this just to spite him.

“When we get to the stop sign we’ll start our sprints again,” Kageyama calls back over his shoulder.

To Kei’s chagrin, he can’t even get a word out around his heavy puffs of breath. He only nods.

 

* * *

   

> **Tsukishima Kei [6:10AM]**
> 
> :x

   

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [6:10AM]**
> 
> Feeling good?

  

> **Tsukishima Kei [6:11AM]**
> 
> I’m dead.

   

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [6:12AM]**
> 
> RIP Tsukki

   

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [6:15AM]**
> 
> Since you’re dead now I’m claiming this sweatshirt.
> 
> *image attached*

   

> **Tsukishima Kei [6:15AM]**
> 
> Too bad I already willed it to a friend who isn’t just using me for my clothes.

  

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [6:16AM]**
> 
> （´〇｀）
> 
> RUDE
> 
> And I was going to say such nice things at your funeral.

 

* * *

 

Kei pulls on his button-up, trying to ignore Nishinoya-san’s and Tanaka-san’s whooping behind him. He doesn’t even need to turn around to know that Tanaka-san has his shirt off and is using it as a weapon against a rambunctious Nishinoya-san.

“Tanaka, put your uniform on!” Ennoshita-san yells out from the corner as he buttons up his own gakuran.

Kei resists the urge to roll his eyes.

He looks over and notices Tadashi, brows furrowed and frozen in place halfway through putting on his shirt. He’s about to ask Tadashi if everything’s okay, but Tadashi is already whipping around, calling out, “Kinoshita-senpai?”

Kei pauses on his buttons, turning his head a fraction.

“Um, yeah?”

“Tomorrow…” Tadashi starts. “Will you start teaching me how to aim my serves?”

“Oh, uh, sure, Yamaguchi.” Kinoshita-san sounds surprised. “I can try at least.”

Tadashi turns his head, catching Kei’s gaze as he goes. Kei quirks an eyebrow in a silent question.

“Kageyama and Hinata can’t be the only unbeatable duo on this team.” Tadashi smiles at him, with a decisive glint in his eye as he pulls his t-shirt all the way on. Kei takes a moment, watching Tadashi’s fly-away hairs bob with the motion.

“Duo?” Kei asks.

 

* * *

 

The next day at practice, Kei watches as Nishinoya-san lands a backflip in front of a couple impressed first-year players and an even more impressed Hinata.

“Liighhtning fliiippp!”

_Oh, good grief._

“WAAAHH! So amazing!”

Kei looks over to where Tadashi and Kinoshita-san are deep in conversation - they are going to start serve practice tonight.

Kei realizes he’s hovering at the sidelines, but he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t just stand here watching Tadashi practice all evening. Maybe he could practice something himself.

Kageyama and Hinata don’t seem to be sticking around as they are already walking out of the gym, bickering loudly about something. Kei thinks he must be going crazy when he momentarily considers taking laps of dives around the gym just for something to do.

Before he can get any more terrible ideas, he’s suddenly rocking forward as Tanaka-san throws an arm around his shoulder and punches him in the side. “Why don’t we treat our dear kouhai?”

“What.” It’s not a question.

“Come on, Tsukishima. Your senpai are taking you out.”

“Tanaka, can you make that sound any more creepy?” Ennoshita-san chides as he walks up behind them.

Kei thinks he should put up more of a struggle as he lets himself be manhandled out the gym door. He looks back in a last ditch effort toward Tadashi, who only waves at him.

 

* * *

 

“Treating” turns out to be the usual stop at Sakanoshita. Kei browses the aisles aimlessly, wasting time as Ennoshita-san and Tanaka-san take their time picking out their snacks. Kei can hear them chatting away, Tanaka-san’s voice booming out every so often over Ennoshita-san’s chuckling.

Kei grabs a small of bag of fruit gummies before turning to join them in the next aisle over. He rounds the corner in time to see Ennoshita-san pulling a face.

“Yes, Tanaka, we are all _well_ aware you like girls.” Kei catches a bite to Ennoshita-san’s words, watching as he walks away from Tanaka-san, who now looks slightly puzzled.

 _Interesting_.

They buy their snacks and settle at the small table. Tanaka-san swings a chair around and plops down on it backwards while Ennoshita-san begins to pull items out of his school bag. He puts the binder down on the table, opening it up to a page of hand-drawn plays before scooting his chair in.

“So. We’ve been talking about the Interhigh prelims.”

Tanaka-san tips forward, the back of the chair clanking into the table.

Kei looks at Ennoshita-san, waiting for him to continue.

“Specifically about the new starters for matches. Coach will make the final announcement on Friday, but we figured we could get a head start on talking about plays.”

“What’s the line-up?” Kei can see names and plays scribbled into the margins of the pages.

“The starting line-up is Tanaka, me, Kageyama, Kinoshita, Hinata and you.” Ennoshita-san looks down at the book, almost as if he’s speaking to it rather than Kei. “Nishinoya as libero, of course. Back-ups will be Narita, Asano-kun and...Yamaguchi,” Ennoshita-san finishes carefully, and all of a sudden Kei realizes why he’s here.

Ennoshita-san is sizing up the first stages of letting Yamaguchi know he’s not going to be a starter this year for the Interhigh circuit - maybe not even for the whole year.

“Okay.”

Ennoshita-san and Tanaka-san glance briefly at each other.

“I can tell Yamaguchi if that’s what this is about.” Kei is sure that’s it. It would be easier coming from his best friend.

Ennoshita-san cocks his head, speaking slowly. “No, this isn’t about Yamaguchi finding out. I wouldn’t have agreed to being captain if I couldn’t handle this kind of thing.”

Tanaka-san is still looking at Kei with a wary look.

“We wanted to make sure _you_ were going to be okay with it,” Ennoshita-san presses.

_This is about me finding out?_

_“_ It can be hard to see your friends not get picked to play.” Tanaka-san stretches backward, arms straight and hands gripping the back of the chair. “Ya know?”

“I…I understand why you and Ukai-san made the decision,” Kei says with a little less strength than he had intended.

Ennoshita-san considers him for a moment before nodding.

“You’re a good kid, Tsukishima,” Tanaka-san says with a lopsided grin and punches Kei hard in the shoulder.

Kei levels an incredulous look at him while Ennoshita-san rolls his eyes and says in a defeated tone, “You’re seven months older than him, Tanaka.”

“Seven months older and _wiser_.”

“Mmhmm.” Ennoshita-san exchanges a look with Kei and just shakes his head. “Anyway, now that that’s out of the way...Yachi’s designing a new poster and some handouts. We’ll be submitting the new roster and updated stats.” He pulls a video camera out of his bag and sets it on the table between them.

Kei stares at the camera for a moment and goes into a mild internal panic by what it signifies. He hates when Ennoshita-san wants to make a movie.

“Along with Yachi’s posters I was thinking about making a promo video of the team. Something we can link people to.” Ennoshita fiddles with the camera.

_It’s not too late to quit the team._

“I want you and Kageyama in it for sure.”

“Why for sure?” Kei raises an eyebrow.

“It’s better to have good-looking people on screen.” Ennoshita-san shrugs. He makes it sound less like a compliment and more like a rigid, undeniable fact of life. Kei thinks he’s already got the ruthlessness of a director down pat.

“Am I good looking enough?” Tanaka-san puffs his chest out, looking at Ennoshita-san expectantly.

Ennoshita-san ignores him.

 

* * *

 

They spend the next hour going over opposing team information, only stopping to say hi to Ukai-san as he takes over his post at the store, lighting up a cigarette and making them promise not to tell Takeda-sensei he’s smoking around them.

When they finally get up to leave, Tanaka-san slings both his and Ennoshita-san’s bag over his shoulder, grinning at Ennoshita-san. “Don’t want the captain working too hard.”

Ennoshita-san all but rolls his eyes. “Shouldn’t we be more worried about the delicate constitution of our team’s ace?”

“My what?”

Kei snickers at Tanaka-san’s confused look.

Ennoshita-san reaches out, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and pulls Tanaka-san’s beanie over his eyes. “Read a book, Tanaka.”

Kei hears Tanaka-san whine “So mean, Chikara!” as he sends a quick text to Tadashi to see if he’s still at the gym.

“Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow, Tsukishima.” Ennoshita-san gives Kei a wave, and Tanaka-san leans out from behind him, calling out, “Peace!”

Kei hums in acknowledgement as he watches them walk away, Tanaka-san still lugging both their bags. “Have a good night.”

He looks back down at his phone but sees he hasn’t gotten a reply yet; Tadashi must still be practicing.

He could go home.

Instead he turns, walking up to one of the vending machines outside Sakanoshita.

He feels...restless. Uncomfortable.

He stares, unseeing, at the colorful selection buttons trying to get him to choose various kinds of tea and coffees.

Not uncomfortable.

Disappointed.

He realizes that somewhere in the back of his mind he had been holding on to a hope that Yamaguchi would join him on the court more this year.

It’s bad logic now that he thinks about it. Karasuno plays volleyball to win tournaments - it isn’t _just_ club activities. The selfish wants of one player aren’t going to trump what’s best for the team.

He hits the button for green tea a little harder than necessary. The machine whirs and he hears the can tumble down.

His phone chirps just as he’s reaching down to get the drink.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:09PM]**
> 
> Done in 5! Just gotta lock up.

 

* * *

 

Kei hands him the can of tea and Tadashi smiles at him. “Now I owe you a drink again.”

“I’ll put it on your tab.”

They drift to their usual park and sit on the bench underneath the light that seems to sputter at any movement under it.

“Did you get kidnapped?”

“Mmm.” Kei stretches out his legs, fidgeting with the headphones at his neck. “They wanted to talk about the team schedule for the next couple months.”

Tadashi takes a drink and then leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

Kei begins again, “Practice games. Interhigh…and things.”

They lapse into silence and Kei tries to drum his fingers against his knee to the rhythm of the cricket noises around them.

“I already know I’m not going to be starting, Tsukki.”

Kei stills and keeps his eyes trained on the jungle gym in front of them.

Tadashi continues, “I’m okay with it. Really. I was already expecting it.”

Kei frowns. _I’m not okay with it. I want you out there with me._

“I’m not okay with it.”

He wasn’t planning to say that out loud.

From the corner of his eye Kei can see Tadashi’s head whip around to look at him. “Tsukki!”

“It’s just that...” Kei fumbles for a moment, pretty sure that saying _I want you out there with me_ , would be Hinata-level embarrassing. “You work really hard.”

Tadashi pops up from the bench and Kei looks up to see him staring at the ground. There's silence for a moment.

“I’m okay with doing the things I’m good at.” Tadashi turns and smiles comfortingly at him. “I’m also okay with working harder on the things I’m not.”

Kei knows that.

Tadashi is the type of person who doesn’t like to lose. Kei knows that Tadashi will work at something until he perfects it; he also knows that Tadashi has never voiced dissatisfaction with being the only one from their year not being chosen as a starting player.

Knowing that Tadashi would never tell him if he felt upset with the situation doesn’t make Kei feel better. It feels a lot like knowing someone’s keeping a secret from you. A secret they think they need to protect you from.

 

* * *

 

April flies by faster than Kei is ready for. His workouts with Kageyama have become a daily thing and he has found that despite his hatred for it, he has improved immensely. One of his time logs proudly states that he has run seven kilometers in a decent amount of time.

Not that he’s really in a position to gloat about anything right now, seeing as he’s laying in the grass, trying to recover from a muscle cramp.

“How much do you eat a day?” Kageyama is standing above him, twisting from side to side.

“I don’t know.”

Kageyama stares at him while raising his arms over his head.

Kei sighs. “Sometimes breakfast, a bento at lunch, and dinner.”

Kageyama frowns, and Kei can see him mentally calculating.

“If you want to maintain this you’re going to need to eat more.”

Kei bristles slightly. “Yes, mom.”

“Maybe I should bring it up to Yamaguchi.” Sly isn’t a word that Kei would use to describe Kageyama, which is why he is so surprised to hear Kageyama saying something so astute.

“I’m perfectly capable of feeding myself without Yamaguchi.”

Kageyama doesn’t respond, just steps into a forward lunge.

“Maybe,” Kei continues, the ache of the muscle cramp making him feel particularly vindictive, “I should just ask Hinata for extra food at lunch, seeing as he always seems to have an extra bento to spare.”

Kageyama goes bright red at the jab. It’s true - Kei has noticed that more often than not Hinata has an extra bento packed, one that is usually given to Kageyama.

“He just has too much left over after he makes his and Natsu’s lunches,” Kageyama offers as an excuse.

Kei wants to snort at the discovery that Hinata’s been the one making the bentos all along. With how messy the contents usually are inside, Kei has always assumed that Hinata’s little sister herself must be making them.

 

* * *

 

There’s a slight coughing sound from his right and Kei slides his gaze to the girl seated next to him in class. She’s looking at him from the corner of her eye, her arm down at her side with a note held between her fingers.

She’s trying to pass him a note from Tadashi, who’s sitting a row over.

Kei looks toward the teacher, who is writing a sentence on the board. Feeling confident he won’t get caught, he grabs for the paper and smooths it open on top of his textbook. It’s covered in old notes, mostly one-word inside jokes that would be indecipherable to anyone but him and Tadashi. And one tiny doodle of a dinosaur with large glasses and a speech bubble stating “your English is pathetic.”

He skims the paper to find the newest addition.

_I think Kino-senpai and I are done with serve practice for now. Wanna walk home together tonight?_

Kei’s heart speeds up inexplicably. It’s been nearly a month since they’ve been able to walk to school or home together.

“Tsukishima Kei.”

Kei jerks his head up at the sound of his name. The teacher is standing with her arms crossed, looking at him with a mildly amused expression.

“You must find your textbook very interesting.”

“Sorry, Sensei.”

The class titters. He glances at Tadashi and finds him looking over with a shit-eating grin on his face, mouthing “Sorry, Tsukki” at him.

Tadashi’s not sorry at all.

 

* * *

 

When practice ends that night, Tadashi meets Kei outside the gym, tripping up to him after saying goodbye to Yachi-san.

Tadashi stops to readjust his shoe and then straightens again, tugging at his school bag straps. It takes a minute for Kei to realize they are both standing, staring at each other.

Kei breaks the silence. “We haven’t walked home together in a while.”

_Or even walked to school. I missed it._

“It’s only been a couple weeks,” Tadashi quips lightly, seemingly not as bothered by the separation.

“A month.” Kei shifts his bag straps to a more comfortable position.

Tadashi’s eyes go wide for a moment. “You’ve been counting?” His tone is airy and teasing.

“I can read a calendar,” Kei says a little more harshly than he means to, trying to cover up the embarrassment that he’s been keeping track. “It was only because I was tracking my running times every day.”

 

* * *

 

They’re halfway through a practice match with Nekoma when Kei realizes that even with all the extra time he’s been spending with Kageyama, he still doesn’t understand what the hell Kageyama is thinking half the time. All the time.

Kageyama has just set to him, even though Hinata was wide open.

Back row attack with Kei as the spiker. They haven’t done this before. He grits his teeth as he realizes he’s half a second too late on his take-off.

The ball grazes his fingertips.

He fucking misses.

The ball hits the ground with an accusatory thwack and Kei stands there, staring at it.

_That’s embarrassing._

Both sides of the court are still for what seems like an eternity. Kei can feel eyes on him, watching him after his miss.

“You didn’t even try.” Kei whips his head up at Kageyama’s flat admonishment.

Any embarrassment Kei feels quickly shifts to irritation. “I’m pretty sure you don’t get to say if I’m trying or not.”

“You could have made it.”

“You didn’t give me any warning.” Kei shoots Kageyama a look that would tell any normal person to shut up.

But Kageyama just barrels through. “Maybe if you stopped limiting yourself all the time, we wouldn’t have this problem. Maybe-”

“Kageyama. Tsukishima. Cool it.” Ennoshita-san cuts in. “Let’s just finish the game.”

_Tch._

 

* * *

 

“I thought you and Kageyama were getting along.” Tadashi drops down beside Kei on the ground, scooting close.

“I...we-” Kei sulks, running his hand over the grass beside him. “There’s something about him I can’t stand sometimes.”

“Sometimes friends make you feel like that.”

“You don’t make me feel like that.” Kei looks over at Tadashi quickly, eyes earnest. Tadashi has never made him feel like that.

_Do I make you feel like that?_

Yamaguchi hugs his knees. “I’ve yelled at you before.”

Kei remembers. How could he ever forget - it was one of his life-defining moments having Tadashi yell at him. “That was different.”

Tadashi lets go of his knees and settles into a cross-legged position.

“I think- I think when you care a lot, sometimes it all just tumbles out,” Tadashi says thoughtfully. “Tsukki, if you didn’t care about how you and Kageyama play together- you wouldn’t get angry.”

Kei pulls his face into a grimace, yanking on some grass by his shoe. He feels like he’s five years old, not wanting to play with the other kids in his kindergarten and getting scolded for it.

“Not that yelling is the best way to get your feelings across, of course.”

Kei looks toward the gym for a moment, not knowing what to say.

“Tsukki...it’s okay to ask people for what you need,” Tadashi says softly, pausing a moment before mumbling quickly, “without yelling.”

“I don’t need anything.”

Tadashi huffs.

 

* * *

  

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:00PM]**
> 
> Hey

   

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:00PM]**
> 
> Shouldn’t you be asleep?

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:01PM]**
> 
> Pot, kettle, black.
> 
> You aren’t still studying are you?

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:01PM]**
> 
> It’s a possibility.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:01PM]**
> 
> OMG
> 
> Tsukki, take a break.
> 
> Prelims are TOMORROW. Exams are not.

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:02PM]**
> 
> And what are you doing? Besides bossing me around?
> 
>  

Minutes go by and Tadashi doesn't respond. Kei entertains the idea that he fell asleep until his phone lights up again.

    

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:06PM]**
> 
> What will you do if I mess up a serve.
> 
>  

Kei’s fingers pause over the keyboard. Yamaguchi has never sent a text like this.

   

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:07PM]**
> 
> You haven’t messed up in a game for months.

   

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [10:07PM]**
> 
> But what if I do.

  

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:08PM]**
> 
> Then I’ll keep blocking.

   

> **Tsukishima Kei [10:09PM]**
> 
> You’ll always get another chance if I keep blocking.

 

Kei sets his phone face up on his desk waiting for a reply, and pulls his knees up to his chin. A memory from their third year in middle school pulls at the back of his mind.

_The heat is unbearable. Unbearable, but still not enough to keep them inside._

_Kei looks over to Tadashi, who is slowly bouncing a worn volleyball against his forehead as he lays sprawled on Kei’s back porch, legs dangling off the side._

_“You’re going to give yourself a headache.”_

_Tadashi doesn’t answer, just pauses before starting to bounce the ball again._

_Kei sighs and looks back up, watching as the weather charm flutters above him in the hot breeze. He thinks maybe the charm worked a little too well. He closes his eyes against the brightness of the summer sky - he can feel his knees begin to prickle against the sun._

_He should move but he’s way too lazy._

_He can almost let the overwhelming noise of the cicadas lull him to sleep._

_“We should do something,” Tadashi says lazily, voice muffled by the volleyball._

_“Hmmm?”_

_Tadashi lobs a sticky, hot arm across Kei’s chest._

_“Yamaguchi, you’re too hot!”_

_“Tsuukiii.”_

_“What?” Kei frowns, not even attempting to remove Tadashi’s arm._

_“I’m bored.”_

_“Go buy us some ice cream then.” This is a conversation they’ve had a million times in boredom. Tadashi’s excuse for not getting up is going to be that he doesn’t have any money._

_“I don’t have any money.” Tadashi lifts his arm up and drops it down onto his own chest._

_“Go get some money,” Kei huffs, a small smile threatening to break out across his face._

_“So grumpy.”_

_Kei hauls himself up to a sitting position, pulling his knees into the shade of the porch overhang. “What do you want to do?”_

_He’s perfectly content to do nothing._

_“We could play volleyball.”_

_Kei fights the urge to stiffen. Volleyball isn’t something he does outside of school. Not for fun._

_Kei decides to lay back down - immediately._

_It’s another five minutes before Tadashi speaks again._

_“I want to keep playing volleyball in high school.”_

_Tadashi sits up suddenly and Kei follows, his mind trying to grasp where this sudden admission came from._

_“I was actually thinking about Karasuno.”_

_Kei is silent. This is something Tadashi is serious about._

_“It’s close and their volleyball team doesn’t seem super competitive anymore. From what I hear...I mean, maybe I could even be a starter right off the bat.”_

_Kei has no opinion about Karasuno. Not even resentment for what happened with his brother._

_But volleyball? That’s not something he had been thinking about in regards to high school._

_“High school clubs seem lame,” Kei sighs, not looking at Tadashi._

_“But it could still be fun.”_

_Kei ‘hmphs’ and Tadashi laughs, chucking the ball into Kei’s stomach. “Think about it, Tsukki! We can still play in games together!” Tadashi shoots him a wide, happy grin, like the prospect is better than ice cream on a sweltering hot day._

And that had been that. Before Kei even realized it he was testing into Karasuno and joining a volleyball team he didn’t even care about, all because Yamaguchi Tadashi had asked him to.

_“I mean, maybe I could even be a starter right off the bat.”_

Kei’s chest constricts. He’s going to make sure that every moment Tadashi is on the court counts.

 

* * *

 

Karasuno takes the first matches of the preliminary tournament by storm - even earning a victory over Shiratorizawa.

Tanaka-san has been unstoppable as their ace, and coupled with the back-up support of Nishinoya-san, whose libero skills have only gotten more impressive in his third year, it’s seeming like Karasuno might be the favored win.

They only need to win against two other teams - Datekou and whichever team wins the Nezumizawa versus Seijoh match.

Winning against Datekou, though, is proving as challenging as ever with their iron wall.

Things between Kageyama and Kei are still tense since their spat during the Nekoma match; it hasn’t affected their winning streak yet, but Kei’s pretty sure Kageyama is avoiding setting to him, which is annoying.

But also something to worry about later. They are only three points away from winning the second set. Three points away from taking this game.

Kei bends over in a quick stretch, hands pressing into his knees. He puffs out some air and lifts a hand to wipe at the sweat accumulating on his cheek.

Tadashi has won them the last two points with service aces.

He straightens as the whistle blows, and every muscle in his body is ready. Three seconds.

The ball whizzes over his head and everything happens slowly. The receive, the set, Tanaka-san coming up next to him to aid the block, and Kei jumping, arms strong and hands splayed wide.

This is not going to be a one touch.

The ball rebounds against his hands and smacks hard onto the court below. He’s given Tadashi another chance.

As soon as his feet plant into the floor again he raises his hand and clenches his fist in victory, looking back at Tadashi with a smirk.

“Nice serve!”

 

* * *

 

All the rumors he’s been hearing about Nezumizawa are turning out to be true. The team doesn’t have height, their tallest player just barely 181 cm, but somehow they seem to be everywhere all at once - fast and devious. Kei can barely keep up with his read blocking. He’s getting agitated.

Agitated players make mistakes.

_Calm down, Kei._

The ball is back on their side of the court.

Kageyama has his back to him, but it only takes a split second for Kei to see the minute backwards rotation of his shoulders before the ball is flying off his fingertips - not toward Hinata in front of Kageyama, but behind him, towards Kei.

_Shit._

Kei takes less than a half second to realize there is no one there besides himself. It’s meant for him.

Kageyama has set him up for a fucking quick.

Kei is already in the air, fingers almost not meeting the ball. Either the ball is too high or he is too low.

Dimly, he thinks Kageyama’s too good to set too high. It’s him - he’s too low.

He spikes the ball down awkwardly, over the Nezumizawa blockers. A mid-air battle won with height alone.

The spike had been subpar. Lackluster at best - he’d almost missed.

His teammates are ecstatic. Kei, on the other hand, is furious.

_A fucking quick with no warning._

There are too many variables for him to sort through as it is. Kageyama throwing things at him during a match that is already taxing his mental abilities is unacceptable.

And Kageyama knows exactly how he feels about this.

 _“_ What. Was. That. _”_ Kei says each word like it's an accusation.

 _“_ What was what?” Kageyama is already tense, his face dark. Kei can see Hinata calculating whether he wants to get in the middle of this or not.

“What part of you ‘need to communicate with me’ don’t you understand?” Kei finds himself getting into Kageyama’s space, almost threatening - something he can’t say he’s ever done before.

Kageyama sets his mouth at Kei’s forward advance. “You did just fine. If you have too much time to think you get in the way of yourself. If I’m setting to you it’s because I know you are there.”

Kei feels a spike of anger. He wants to yell, to defend himself. He’s _rational,_ he thinks things through - that’s not a bad thing.

Just as he’s about to open his mouth, he feels the back of his neck prickle and he tenses. He can feel Tadashi watching him from the sidelines.

_It’s okay to tell people what you need._

Kei swallows, almost feeling like he’s choking on the receding feelings of hostility. “I’m not Hinata. I can’t always guess what you’re thinking.” He tightens his sports goggles against his eyes and adjusts the band. “I’ll do what you tell me, but I need to know. _We_ need to communicate.”

He works better when most of the variables are accounted for.

“Okay.” Kageyama visibly relaxes. “I’ll try. I don’t always know what I’m doing before it happens, though.”

Kei isn’t sure if that makes him more irritated or not.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi is throwing his arms around Kei’s neck with enough force that Kei topples, taking Tadashi with him. It seems like they’re not the only ones from the team that have ended up on the ground; Ennoshita-san is being crushed by both Nishinoya-san and Tanaka-san.

Kei can feel sweat against his neck and he’s not sure if it’s his or Tadashi’s, but it really doesn’t matter. Blood is rushing in his ears and his limbs are betraying his exhaustion, shaking slightly. He’s having trouble getting his breathing under control, because he’s...laughing. Almost uncontrollably.

_Oh._

He’s happy.

Effervescently happy.

They won the qualifier - they are going to Interhigh.

_Tadashi is saying something._

“What?” Kei realizes that he’s gripping Tadashi, holding on to the sides of his shirt, an instinctive action from their fall. He lets go and leans back a little, trying to get his eyes to focus on Tadashi’s face at such a close angle.

Tadashi looks like the personification of what Kei is feeling inside.

Tadashi opens his mouth to repeat himself but is stopped short as Hinata leaps into him at full force.

 

* * *

 

Kei hurts.

He’s aware of his lower back muscles in a way he’s never experienced before. Even sitting down on his bed makes him groan like an old man with arthritis.

Trying to get his body to relax into his mattress is almost excruciating. His muscles have been tense for almost four days straight during the matches. The bath he’d taken not even a half hour ago barely did anything to work the fatigue out. He groans again as he hears his phone chirp.

_Don’t make me move, Yamaguchi._

He flops his arm out, grasping blindly at his bedside table until he feels his phone. He grabs it and brings it close to his face.

_Oh, not Yamaguchi._

> **Kageyama Tobio [9:30PM]**
> 
> I think we can work on signals.
> 
> So you know what’s coming.

Kei doesn’t answer; Kageyama can wait.

He almost doesn’t have the presence of mind to put his phone back on the table, he’s so tired. Kei rolls onto his back again, trying to find a position that doesn’t make him twinge in pain.

He knows it's a little petty when he hopes Kageyama is suffering just as much.

The cloudiness of sleep comes quickly. When he finally feels himself relax, his last thought before sleep is the feel of Tadashi’s arms around his neck, hot and sweaty, but infinitely comforting.


	4. One Split Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How...how did you and Yamaguchi start going out?” If Kei’s brain was having trouble processing a second ago, it’s at an absolute standstill now. 
> 
> Going out?
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “How did you- you know. Get past friends?” Kageyama is looking at him earnestly, like Kei is about to offer him the solution to every problem in the universe.
> 
> “Yamaguchi and I aren’t going out?” Kei furrows his brow in confusion, his heartbeat speeding up.
> 
> “Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words can not describe how guilty I feel about not uploading for two weeks. It's like turning in an assignment late and having the professor give you "the look".
> 
> As always this work is edited by the truly wonderful [bananasloth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bananasloth). Make sure to go check out her own tsukkiyama work!

Kageyama and Hinata are inside of Kei’s home. In his bedroom, no less.

Exams are right around the corner and Tadashi had suggested they all study as a group.

Kei had said no.

Somehow that “no” turned into “yes,” which turned into “fine, we can do it at my house.” Kei’s still fuzzy on the details.

Kei’s mother is ecstatic; she’s come in to check on them at least three times already, each time bearing snacks and drinks. Kei’s pretty sure he told his mom not to make a big deal about this.

No one listens to him. Kei rolls his eyes at the thought, his gaze landing on his bookshelves, now devoid of anything he thought Kageyama and Hinata could use to make fun of him.

_ “They aren’t going to make fun of you because you have dinosaurs on your bookshelf, Tsukki.” _

Kei hadn’t let Tadashi win that argument.

He glances over at Tadashi, watching him furrow his brow and lean closer to his paper as though it will help clarify the math problem he’s working on.

There’s a small squawk from the other side of table, and Kei looks up to see Hinata trying to pull at an eraser that Kageyama has firmly pressed into the table with his index finger.

“Come on. Let me use it!” Hinata squishes himself into Kageyama’s space, still pulling at the eraser.

“Use your own.” Kageyama flattens his palm down against the eraser and Hinata’s fingers.

“I forgot mine,” Hinata whines, trying to wriggle his fingers out from under Kageyama’s hand. “Stop being stingy!”

Kageyama frowns and uses his free hand to poke Hinata in the side. “I’m not being stingy.”

More shuffling ensues as Hinata tries to retaliate one-handed, elbows flailing.

_ It never stops. _

Kei grabs his own eraser, reaches across the table and drops it on top of Hinata’s notebook, causing the two to pause and look at the eraser like it’s a foreign object.

From Kei’s right he hears Tadashi snicker, still looking down at his paper.

Hinata and Kageyama both blush, pulling their hands away from each other and scooting farther apart.

“Thanks,” Hinata says sheepishly. He picks up the eraser before quipping, “See, even Stingyshima isn’t as stingy as you.”

Kageyama looks off to the side, still blushing slightly, and puffs out air. “I’m  _ not _ stingy.”

* * *

They manage three and a half hours of studying before Hinata declares that they are finished and starts on a non-stop tirade about being mistaken as an elementary school student when he went to the store a few days ago.

“Tall people don’t understand.” Hinata pouts, flopping over the table and mumbling, “You were born lucky.”

Tadashi laughs at Hinata’s dramatics. “I wasn’t always tall, you know.”

Hinata pops back up, eyes big.

“I wasn’t tall at all in elementary school.” Tadashi leans back on his hands “I was pretty puny actually. I even got bullied.”

“WHAT!?” Hinata sits up again, looking ready to leap across the table. “WHOWOULDBULLYYOU!?”

Kageyama is looking at Tadashi with an uncharacteristic amount of concern, the glass he’s holding paused halfway up to his face.

Tadashi shrugs, suddenly flustered at the attention. “It was nothing. Just some kids in my grade. I tried to be friends with them, but they would make me carry their bags and stuff. They picked on me mostly.”

“I can’t believe it!” Hinata is incensed, both hands splayed out on the table. “But you’re so nice!”

“Eh.” Tadashi shrugs. “To be honest I was a pretty big crybaby back then.” He reaches out to play with a corner of his notebook and continues, “That’s how I met Tsukki, so it wasn’t all bad.”

“He was one of your bullies!?” Hinata whips his head to look at Kei, glaring. Kei frowns back at Hinata, picking up his glass of iced tea.

“What? No!?” Tadashi laughs loudly. He waves his hand at Hinata. “He called me  _ and _ my bullies pathetic and then made them all run away crying,” Tadashi says, so matter-of-factly that Kei almost chokes on the drink he’s trying to take.

“And that made you want to be friends with him?” Hinata looks incredulous. He turns to Kei and narrows his eyes, snapping accusingly, “I can’t believe you called him pathetic.”

“I was like ten.” Kei honestly doesn’t even remember calling Tadashi or the bullies pathetic. He only remembers Tadashi tripping up to him before volleyball practice one day.

“I would have  _ never  _ bullied you, Yamaguchi.” Hinata puffs up. “Or called you pathetic.” Kageyama gives a nod in affirmation.

“Aw, thanks, shrimpy,” Tadashi says teasingly, and Kei snorts as Hinata blanches.

* * *

“Kangaroos are a lot scarier than you think they are going to be.. Their faces are so cute, but then you see them kick something - cute and then bam!” Tadashi takes a breath while he wriggles, trying to find a more comfortable position on the bed. “ You wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight.”

“Why would you be fighting kangaroos?” Kei quirks his mouth in a smile. Kageyama and Hinata had left a couple hours ago and now he and Tadashi are watching a documentary.

“You never know when you might meet a rampaging kangaroo.”

“In Japan?” Kei rebalances the laptop on his knees.

Tadashi giggles. “Kangaroos have plans for world domination.” He points suddenly at the screen. “See!? Scary!””

Kei smiles fondly and they lapse into silence again, the calm voice of the narrator filling the quiet of the room.

Something has been bothering Kei since earlier, pulling at the back of his mind.

_ I would never have called Tadashi pathetic if...if I had known. _

“I’m sorry for calling you pathetic,” Kei says suddenly, cutting over the narrator describing the kangaroo's food of choice.

“What?” Tadashi pulls his eyes away from the screen, momentarily confused, but then realization hits him. “Oh my god, Tsukki, that was like six years ago.”

“Still.” Kei feels guilty.

Tadashi sits up. “You were young, you said so yourself.” 

“But I’m not now.” Kei tenses, fingers curling into his pajama pants. “So...I’m sorry.”

He can feel Tadashi looking at him. Kei looks up, slowly turning his head.

“Four eyes.”

“Eh?” Kei feels his eyes go wide in surprise. “Four...eyes?”

Tadashi is laughing at him, eyes sparkling. “You heard me.”

Tadashi leans towards him and for one inexplicable second Kei feels all the air leave his lungs. His glasses are sliding off his face and Kei realizes that Tadashi is taking them, fingers grazing his temple.

Kei regains his ability to breathe as Tadashi pushes the glasses up his own nose and sticks out his tongue.

“Insult for insult. Now we’re even.” Tadashi leans even closer and peers through the lenses, his nose scrunching.

Kei hums in acknowledgement, trying to pull his attention away from Tadashi’s face. It’s so close to his - almost nose to nose.

“Tsukki. You really are blind.”

* * *

Kei wakes to the faint scent of day-old shampoo.

And hair in his face.

And one set of limbs that aren’t his flopped over him.

Kei’s glad that Hinata and Kageyama hadn’t asked to spend the night. Not that he would have let them. Hinata would probably wake up at five in the morning.

He feels Tadashi’s arm twitch and closes his eyes again. Maybe he should go back to sleep.

Kei doesn’t mind that Tadashi becomes an octopus when he sleeps. It’s not annoying. It’s not even annoying when Kei ends up squished against the wall. It’s just how Tadashi sleeps.

How he’s always slept, since the beginning.

The first time Tadashi had come over to Kei’s house, it had been what Akiteru dubbed “the event of a lifetime” not only because it was the first time Kei had celebrated his birthday with anyone, but because it was the first time Kei had personally invited someone over  _ ever _ . Kei had briefed his family with the seriousness of a battle-worn general - “don’t make this a big deal, because it isn’t”, “don’t say anything embarrassing”, “don’t bring up anything ‘weird’” (like the fact that Kei was still afraid of the dark).

His family broke every single one of his rules that night. It  _ was _ a big deal, everything they said was embarrassing and Tadashi definitely found out from Akiteru that Kei was still afraid of the dark.

Kei remembers worrying that Tadashi would never want to come back, that he would decide that Kei wasn’t cool enough to hang out with and would move on to one of the other members of their volleyball team. He had even convinced himself it would be no big deal.

But Tadashi had come back. Soon he was sleeping over almost every week, and Kei would wake up to Tadashi curled tightly around him. At first Kei thought maybe he should be irritated or tease his new friend for being a koala, but the feeling of Tadashi wrapped around him was strangely secure. 

Kei smiles to himself at the thought, wiggling into a more comfortable position under the weight of Tadashi’s arm.

Maybe another hour of sleep won’t hurt.

* * *

 

> **Ennoshita** |  |  Okay, everyone.  
> ---|---|---  
> |  | Video is up.  
> |  | www.karasuno-ed.jp/sports/volleyball/boysvolleyball  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  CHIKARA  
> **NOYA** |  |  CHIKARA  
> **KinoshitaH** |  |  CHIKARA  
> **nanarita** |  |  CHIKARA  
> **Ennoshita** |  |  Just watch the video, jfc  
> **YachiH✿** |  |  Ennoshita-senpai, that was amazing!  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  You caught Kageyama’s constipated face really well.  
> **NOYA** |  |  Did you make me look taller, Chikara!?  
> |  | You sly bastard.  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  Someone’s gotta show this to Hinata.  
> **YamaTuchi** |  |  Tsukki looks so cool!  
> _TsuKei has left the chat._ |   
> _Yamaguchi has added TsuKei to the chat._  
  
 

* * *

“You gotta act more excited when your plays work out!” Hinata is stalking in a circle around Kageyama. “Especially now that you guys have your Super-Special Signals down.”

“For the last time, we are not naming our signals,” Kei deadpans, thoroughly unimpressed.

Hinata’s head pops out behind Kageyama, his face in a pout. “Why not!? It’s cool!”

“It is  _ not _ cool.” Kei sighs, adjusting his glasses.

“Fine.” Hinata flings his arms out. “But at least high-five after you do something cool.”

Kageyama mutters something that sounds like a complaint.

“But you’ve gotten so good at it!” Hinata stretches his arms out high and spreads his palms out, looking expectantly at Kageyama.

Kageyama blinks and raises his hands to meet Hinata’s, lightly tapping their palms together before pulling back. Hinata’s hands follow Kageyama’s, interlacing their fingers and squeezing Kageyama’s palm hard. Kei watches with an eyebrow raised as Hinata, still gripping Kageyama’s hands, arcs his arms to the side. “Yayy!”

“Holding hands with Kageyama is not how I’m planning on celebrating a good play.”

Kageyama flushes and Hinata releases his hands quickly. “That wasn’t holding hands, Stupidshima!” Hinata scrunches his face at Kei and crosses his arms. “If it was holding-”

“Everyone!” Ukai-san yells out over Hinata’s defense. “Huddle up!”

* * *

“Are you coming to study with us, Yacchan?” Tadashi is hunched over, tying the laces on his shoes.

“Yep!” Yachi-san smiles back at them as she locks the gym door behind them. “I told my mom I...”

She trails off, pausing at something she sees behind them.

“Yacchan?” Tadashi looks back, following her gaze. Kei watches as Tadashi stiffens and a hint of a frown appears on his face. “Oh.”

Kei turns to look behind him. There’s a girl standing there, a classmate - and she’s looking straight at Kei.

“Um, I’m sorry to interrupt. But...” She trails off, losing momentum. Her hand clenches around something in her palm and her voice gets stronger. “Tsukishima-san. Can I speak with you?”

“I’m about to go home.”

“It’ll only take a minute.” She tugs at the end of her hair, out of nerves maybe, but she’s still looking straight at him. She seems completely undeterred by the presence of Tadashi and Yachi-san.

Had she been waiting the entire time they practiced?

From beside Kei, Tadashi clears his throat lightly and says softly, “We’ll go on ahead.”

Kei wants to tell Tadashi they can wait, but Tadashi’s already walking past the girl, towards the front entrance. Yachi-san starts forward as well, but pauses and looks back at Kei and the girl. “Excuse us.”

The girl glances at Yachi-san as she walks away and then turns back, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Kei can’t imagine anything he’d rather do less than what is happening right now.

“I tried to ask Yamaguchi-san about you, but he wouldn’t say anything.” She clasps her hands together, shifting on her feet. “He just said that I should talk to you in person if I was interested. So that’s what I’m doing.”

She had asked Tadashi?

She shakes her head suddenly, a blush forming on her cheeks, and holds out her hand. “I just wanted to say good luck with the upcoming exams.” She looks him straight in the eyes again, face set in determination.

Kei looks down at her open palm and sees a charm - an academic charm, fabric sewn into a neat envelope and closed off with an ornate braid. Laughably, Kei’s first thought is that Tanaka-san is going to be so mad that another person on the team got a charm from a girl.

“I.” Kei schools his face, trying to keep himself from scowling. “I’m not interested in dating.” He tries to make the statement not sound like a question.

Her fingers curl around the charm, but she doesn’t lower her arm. “Is it because of volleyball? 

Kei opens his mouth and pauses. Maybe, but he’s never truly thought of why he doesn’t consider dating. “I don’t have time to worry about someone else.”

She watches him and Kei knows she’s trying to formulate reasons why he should still give it a try. Maybe she’ll say she doesn’t need much attention.

“I wouldn’t need to go on a lot of dates.”

Kei shakes his head and looks down.

“Well.” There’s a pause. “I…” She seems to reconsider her words and reaches her arm farther out towards him, opening up her palm. “Please still take the charm...for luck.” 

* * *

Kei sighs, slightly exasperated with himself as he tries to wrap his right thumb up to alleviate more stress since he had strained it in practice last week. He’s done this wrap a hundred times, but today he’s finding every way possible for the tape to stick to itself.

He grumbles as he tears off a strip from the roll, balling it up.

“Trouble, Tsukki?” Tadashi swings a leg over the bench, mirroring Kei’s straddle and picks up the roll of sports tape. “I can do it for you.” He scoots forward, knees bumping into Kei’s.

“No, I can do it. I just messed…” Kei trails off as Tadashi grabs his left hand and pulls it forward, placing it in the air between them.

“Keep it there.” Tadashi lets go of his hand and Kei keeps it still. He watches Tadashi’s face as Tadashi bites his bottom lip in concentration, pulling out the tape.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Kei teases.

“I’ve seen you do it once or twice.” Tadashi grins at him. He reaches out and grabs Kei’s hand, flipping it over palm up.

Tadashi presses the end of the tape into Kei’s palm, smoothing it over with the pads of his thumbs, one hand lightly wrapped around Kei’s hand and the other holding the roll of tape as he rolls it along Kei’s hand.

Kei forgets to breathe as Tadashi stretches the tape up and over the fleshy part of his thumb and around his hand, working the edges of the tape into his skin.

Tadashi’s touch is firm and purposeful, nothing that should have Kei’s heartbeat speeding up. 

Maybe he’s letting pre-exam anxiety get to him.

As Tadashi brings the tape over his palm again, pulling it taut to the outside edge of his thumb, Kei flicks his eyes up to look at Tadashi’s face. His bangs are falling over his eyes, framing hundreds of freckles against tan skin.

Kei finds himself fighting the urge to reach out and tuck a stray piece of hair behind Tadashi’s ear.

Definitely pre-exam anxiety.

He almost jumps when Tadashi slides his hand under his and swipes his thumb over the edge of the tape, running the full length of his palm.

“Does that feel tight enough?” Tadashi has let go of his hand, picking up the roll of tape and ripping off a long section.

Kei wasn’t prepared to have to speak. “Mmhm.”

Tadashi finishes wrapping his thumb, taping it into position.

“Thanks.”

“Do you want me to wrap your fingers too?” Just as Tadashi says this, Kei moves his hands, causing Tadashi to graze the inside of Kei’s index finger with his own.

Kei does jump this time. The sensation of the rough pad of Tadashi’s finger sliding down his makes the hairs on the back of Kei’s neck raise. 

“No.” It takes everything in him to make the “no” sound like a word and not a choked off noise. “No, you don’t need to.”

_ What the hell is wrong with me? _

Tadashi looks up at him, retracting his hand quickly. There’s red under the freckles, like he’s just exercised.

They both stare at each other for a moment before Tadashi scoots back and stands up, rubbing the back of his neck. “I...I think. I’ll go see if Yacchan needs help setting up.”

Kei looks down at his hand as Tadashi walks away. He’s not sure why but he feels like he missed his chance to tell Tadashi something important. He stretches his thumb out against the tape, letting the tight pull override the lingering feeling of Tadashi’s hand against his.

* * *

Apparently, Kei should have received a luck charm against sports related injuries, not for academic studies.

“Oh man, dude. That looks nasty.” Nishinoya-san leans forward, inspecting Kei’s face.

Kei takes a sip out of his water bottle, wincing as the tilting motion makes the bruising under his eyes pulse.

Sports goggles may be safer than regular glasses, but it still hurts like hell when you receive a spike with your face. He can feel the phantom imprint of the frames over his nose and around his eyes.

Kei puts a tissue up to his nose and pulls it away, checking for blood. At least the bleeding has stopped.

“I hear tampons work for nosebleeds.” Tanaka-san leans forward, grinning widely before he’s being tugged back up by the scruff of his shirt.

“How’s it feeling, Tsukishima?” Ennoshita-san asks, still gripping the back of Tanaka-san’s t-shirt.

Kei presses a finger into the bridge of his nose gingerly and grimaces as dull pain blooms outward beneath his finger. “It’s fine. It’s not broken.”

“Are you sure nothing’s fractured?” Tadashi holds his hands out awkwardly, nervous energy radiating from him.

“Tsukishima’s fine.” Ukai-san steps into the group and thrusts two ice packs into Tadashi’s hands. He turns to look at Kei and smiles. “He’s just going to have a couple of nasty black eyes for a few days.”

“You look like a thug.” Nishinoya-san puts his fists on hips and looks at Kei like this is the proudest day of his life.

“He looks like he got beat up,” Kinoshita-san deadpans.

Kei’s mouth twitches in amusement and he looks down. Between his hands being bandaged in sports tape, the remnants of a bloody nose and the bruising around his eyes, Kei can only imagine that he looks like he lost a scuffle in a major way.

Ukai-san claps Tadashi on the back, pushing him forward a bit, and waves the rest of the group off. “Only use the ice packs for the next twenty-four hours. After that you can either use a hot compress or just leave it be, depending on the swelling.”

Kei nods, gathering up the tissues next to him on the bench.

“Why don’t you take him home, Yamaguchi-kun?” Takeda-sensei’s voice comes from behind Kei, a hand resting on his shoulder. “You’re feeling good enough to walk home, right?”

“I’m fine to walk home.” Kei glances up at Tadashi. “I can go by myself. You can stay at practice.”

Ukai-san crosses his arms. “Practice is done in thirty minutes. It’s fine if Yamaguchi goes with you.”

Kei tries not to look displeased as he stands. Going home with Tadashi would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that he’s completely and absolutely embarrassed by what caused him to take one of Tanaka-san’s spikes to the face in the first place.

He had been thinking about Tadashi.

Specifically, his brain had been on repeat thinking about Tadashi wrapping his hand with the tape.

What if Tadashi asks him what happened?

He’s also annoyed with himself. Tadashi assisting him with wrapping his hand shouldn't be a big deal. It certainly shouldn't warrant him losing focus in the middle of a practice match.

_ Exams. I’ll tell him I was thinking about exams. _

* * *

“Your eyes looks less bruised today.” Kageyama says as he raises a weight in front of himself with both hands. They’ve begun to add weight training to their morning running. Kageyama says it helps with endurance.

“Mm.” Kei touches under the rim of his glasses. “Maybe I can go out in public without people looking at me like I’m a delinquent.”

“Hinata would say that you look scary all the time.” He lowers the weight down and Kei can see the hint of a fond smile pulling at his mouth.

_ Hinata would say?  _ Kei looks at Kageyama incredulously. He wants to ask what the heck is going on between him and Hinata. 

Screw it. The need to know is stronger than his threshold of embarrassment.

“Are you and Hinata going out?”

“Huh?”

Kei instantly regrets asking. “Dating. Are you and Hinata dating?”

“Wha...wha, what,” Kageyama splutters a bit, dropping the weight down to his side. “What?”

Kei narrows his eyes, assessing him. He could still get out of this by saying he’s teasing Kageyama.

“Why would you ask that?” Kageyama is standing still, almost awkwardly stiff. 

“Because you two flirt all the time.”

Kageyama flushes at that, looking away. “No, I don’t.”

“I didn’t say it was just you.”

Kageyama looks up at Kei sharply, eyes widening almost imperceptibly. “You think Hinata flirts with me?” He shifts on his feet, absentmindedly swinging the weight back and forth.

Kei sighs. He did not bring this up to be a relationship counselor. “Yes. Both of you are equally annoying.”

Kageyama turns around, walking up to the weight stand. “We aren’t. Going out.”

And that’s that, Kei thinks.

“But it’s not like I would mind going out with him.”

_ Or not. _

“Oh.” Kei can’t think of anything better to respond with. His brain is trying to wrap around the soft, hopeful tone that just came out of Kageyama.

“It’s hard though. Because...friends.  _ You _ know I’m sure.”

“Hm?” Kei isn’t following well.

“How...how did you and Yamaguchi start going out?” If Kei’s brain was having trouble processing a second ago, it’s at an absolute standstill now. 

_ Going out? _

“What?”

“How did you- you know. Get past friends?” Kageyama is looking at him earnestly, like Kei is about to offer him the solution to every problem in the universe.

“Yamaguchi and I aren’t going out?” Kei furrows his brow in confusion, his heartbeat speeding up.

“Oh.”

* * *

Summer break has finally started and Kei is just getting into the routine of not having classes. He switches the grocery bag he’s carrying into his left hand and digs his phone out of his pocket.

He should text his mom that he’s on the way back.

> **Tsukishima Kei [6:00PM]**
> 
> Be home soon.

He told his mom he would make dinner tonight, which earned him a back-breaking hug and the acknowledgement that he was “the best son”.

Kei looks at his phone again. Tadashi still hasn’t replied since Kei texted him asking him what he was doing tonight.

_ Oh well _ .

He switches to a new song.

> **Mom [6:03PM]**
> 
> Hope you didn’t forget the detergent!

 

* * *

When he gets home he walks in to see a pair of Tadashi’s shoes in the genkan and tell-tale giggles that sound a lot like his mom and Tadashi coming from the living room.

So that’s why Tadashi hadn’t texted him back.

Kei pauses, willing his pulse to slow down. Ever since the incident with the hand-wrapping and his conversation with Kageyama, it’s been a struggle not to be awkward around Tadashi.

And the worst part is that Kei doesn’t even know  _ why _ he feels awkward.

“I’m home.” Kei toes off his shoes, sliding them out of the way with his foot. When he walks into the living room both Tadashi and his mom stop giggling, turning around from the couch to look at him.

His mom smiles at him. “Welcome home, Kei.”

“What were you two talking about?” Kei narrows his eyes as he places the grocery bag on the counter next to the sink.

His mom and Tadashi smile at each other, a touch of conspiracy pulling at their lips.

“Tadashi was just telling me about how volleyball is going.” His mom turns to him, breaking into a grin.

“Oh? And how  _ has _ volleyball been going?” Kei raises an eyebrow at his mom as he leans on the counter. He glances at Tadashi just as he turns his head away from Kei, laughter barely suppressed.

“He doesn’t believe us, Tadashi-kun.” Kei’s mom slides her face into a pout.

“Unbelievable, really.” Tadashi shakes his head in mock disbelief.

“I’m hurt.”

“Where is the trust in mother-son relationships these days?” Tadashi has the audacity to wink at him. Kei grips the box of curry roux he’s taking out of the bag tightly, willing a blush not to form.

“You two are the worst.” Kei rolls his eyes.

That’s the problem with people like Tadashi and his mom. At first glance all you see are angel faces, easy smiles, and bright eyes. Little do people know that those friendly smiles hide devious masterminds. Get those two together, leave them alone for too much time and the next thing you know your tube of toothpaste will be full of playdough and your bedroom covered in Hello Kitty posters.

They can’t be trusted.

His mom gets off the couch and walks over to him, smiling. “Did you remember the detergent?”

Kei narrows his eyes at her, still suspicious, but reaches into the bag and pulls the laundry detergent out, handing it to her.

She takes the container, balancing it on her hip, and then pats the counter next to him. “I’ll leave you to it then.” She calls over her shoulder, “Tadashi, make sure he doesn’t make a mess.”

“Mom, I’m not five.”

She shoots Kei a look that says “prove it” before walking out of the room.

Tadashi walks over and leans over the kitchen island, holding his face in his hands. “You should wear an apron.”

“You wear an apron.” Kei grabs a large pot, placing it in the sink.

“I’m not cooking.” 

“You weren’t invited over either.” He turns on the faucet, watching the water fill up the pot.

“ _ I _ have a standing invitation.” Tadashi acts affronted by Kei’s dismissal. 

Kei turns around to place the pot of water on the stove. He’s moving to grab a cutting board when he hears Tadashi hit the ice dispenser on the refrigerator. Kei opens his mouth to tease Tadashi about making himself at home, but ends up shrieking when suddenly there’s a hand under his shirt sliding from his back to his stomach as an ice cube is pressed into his skin.

“What a noise, Tsukki.” Tadashi is snickering, pulling away in an attempt to drop the ice cube down the back of Kei’s shirt.

Kei twists away, flicking water from the pot into Tadashi’s face in retaliation.

“Tsukki, no!” Tadashi is laughing loudly as he wipes at his face. 

Kei inches forward, trying to grab at Tadashi and flicking more water out as Tadashi slinks around the counter. His mom will just have to forgive the mess of two teenage boys trying to use the kitchen for productive purposes.

Tadashi has two more ice cubes in his hand and he tosses one at Kei, laughing while he backs up. Kei catches it and holds it out in front of himself, threatening Tadashi as he steps closer.

Tadashi reaches up, palm out in mock surrender as he finds himself backed into the fridge. “No!”

Kei laughs, reaching out in an attempt to lob the ice down the front of Tadashi’s shirt. 

Tadashi throws his arm out, grabbing Kei by his wrist. “I won’t let you win this!” He tries to get enough leverage to throw his remaining ice cube at Kei, but Kei stops him, quickly squeezing his own hand around Tadashi’s before he can complete the action.

Kei freezes as Tadashi’s fingers tighten against his wrist.

It all clicks in one split second, like the cogs of a clock finally starting up, working in sync. 

Right there in the middle of his kitchen on a Tuesday evening, Kei realizes he wants nothing more than to kiss Tadashi. He wants to pull him in and kiss him against that smile. The feeling is like a punch in the gut. 

“Do you give up?”

The words startle Kei out of his frozen state. Tadashi is still smirking at him, hand around Kei’s wrist, his other hand still holding his own ice cube, his hair in disarray and his face slightly flushed from laughter.

_ I love you. _

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to yell at me about Haikyuu!! feel free to message me up on Tumblr at [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goesdoki-doki).


	5. A Momentary Fantasy of Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Kei has come to terms with wanting to kiss Tadashi, it’s the only thing he can think about - which is about one hundred percent more than he’s spent thinking about kissing anyone in the last sixteen years he’s been alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey there. So more than a month later...here it is. 
> 
> The next chapter will be the last chapter! I wish I could give a set date for when it will be finished, but all I can promise is sometime before Christmas and I can promise it will be long.
> 
> Public Service Announcement: This chapter is unbeta'd and I didn't really do much editing. Give a shout out in the comments if you notice something really off.
> 
> I love you all! <3

Now that Kei has come to terms with wanting to kiss Tadashi, it’s the only thing he can think about - which is about one hundred percent more than he’s spent thinking about kissing _anyone_ in the last sixteen years he’s been alive.

He can’t get away from the niggling impulse. When Tadashi leans toward him to show Kei something on his phone he wants to pull Tadashi further in and kiss the side of his mouth. Or when they’re walking home from hanging out with Kageyama and Hinata he thinks about reaching out to take Tadashi’s hand, swinging him around and kissing him. Anytime Tadashi laughs he fights the urge to kiss right by the side of his ear, quick and playful.

What makes it worse is now that it’s summer break they’re with each other one-on-one almost non-stop. Kei’s never wished for the distraction of classes so much in his life.

He feels like he’s dying a slow death. If he could just think about something else.

To his undying horror he blurts out a question to Kageyama after working out one day. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“I-wha-um…” Kageyama stutters out. He turns bright red before mumbling, “I already said Hinata and I aren’t going out!”

He _could_ ask Akiteru. Kei knows for sure that he has - kissed girls at least. But the thought of having to deal with _any_ conversation that would come after asking Akiteru a question like that makes Kei’s insides feel like they are caving in on themselves.

One night sitting across from Yamaguchi he opens his mouth before he even realizes what he’s thinking. “Have you ever—” Kei chokes in the attempt to stop his sentence, causing himself to cough violently.

“Tsukki!” Tadashi looks concerned, reaching over to clap Kei hard on the back. “Are you okay?!”

“I’m good. I’m good,” Kei wheezes.

“Maybe I should get you some water.”

Kei puts his hand out to decline. “I’ll be fine.” He tenses, waiting for Tadashi to ask “Have I ever what?”, and for the life of him he can’t think of one single lie to make up an answer with. He lets out a breath after a moment, realizing that his coughing fit seems to have derailed the conversation.

* * *

“Uwah! It feels so good!” Hinata is pulling the collar of his t-shirt out, trying to soak up as much of the restaurant's air conditioning as possible. “I don’t want to go back outside.”

Kageyama grunts in agreement as he tilts the menu toward his face, weighing his options solemnly.

Kei looks down at his own menu and Tadashi leans in, almost resting against him and puts his finger over a picture of a fruit parfait and taps the surface. “This one.”

The usual.

“I never said I would share anything with you.”

“Mmhmm.” Tadashi grins, unperturbed by Kei’s denial.

Hinata is ignoring his menu entirely, hunched over his phone, fingers rapidly tapping away.

Tadashi leans forward, his chin resting in both hands. “Who ‘ya texting, Hinata?”

“Kenma!” Hinata holds his phone out in front of himself, still frantically pressing buttons with his thumb. “I’m super excited to see him.”

Kei flicks his gaze across the table to Kageyama, curious. Does Kageyama get jealous?

The unbotheredness of Kageyama’s expression says absolutely not.

“But also super disappointed because I wanted to play him.” Hinata pouts at this.

“You get to play him next week at camp!” Tadashi laughs, amused at Hinata’s impatience.

“Yeah, but, camp isn’t the same. I wanted to kick his ass during InterHigh!”

“Kick his ass?” Kei smirks. “Are you trying to become Tanaka-san?”

Tadashi and Kei look at each other and both say “shitty boy” at the same time, snorting at their inside joke.

* * *

> **Ace_senpai** |  |  I can’t believe we get to go on a beach trip after camp!  
> ---|---|---  
> **NOYA** |  |  SCORE  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  Cute swimsuits <3  
> **TsukKei** |  |  You plan on wearing a cute swim suit, Tanaka-san?  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  You’re such a little shit, Tsukishima.  
> |  | Where’s Yamaguchi?  
> **YamaTuchi** |  |  I’m excited about your cute swimsuit, Tanaka-san. |   
> |  | Do you need help shopping for one? |   
> |  | Yaachan can probably help you with that.  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  You’re both little shits!  
> **YachiH✿** |  |  I have some time this weekend, Tanaka-senpai.  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  Yachi-chan (╥_╥)  
> |  | Please stop hanging out with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. They are bad influences.  
> **Ennoshita** |  |  Take pictures so we can vote on the best one.  
  
* * *

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [9:30PM]**
> 
> Did you go back to the room?

Kei had gotten caught up playing a three on three match with Tanaka-san, Narita-san and three players from Shinzen. Now he’s wandering the school looking for Yamaguchi.

He rounds a corner almost bumping into Kenma-san.

“Sorry.” Kei stops, standing awkwardly. He feels like he should say more, Kenma-san is one of Hinata’s friends...

“I...I’m looking for Yamaguchi.”

Kenma nods once, barely an acknowledgement to what Kei said, before scooting to the side and beginning to walk away. “I’m looking for Lev.”

A noise from inside the bathroom down the hall makes them both stop short. Kei can hear the telltale sounds of trouble - Hinata is giggling hysterically.

“No more! It’s getting worse!”

That’s Tadashi.

Another voice chimes in with incoherent rambling and next to him Kenma-san sighs loudly, like he expects nothing less than the end of the world as he pushes open the bathroom door. Over his shoulder Kei can see both Hinata and Tadashi leaning into the mirror, with Haiba-san behind them.

Tadashi turns his head towards the door and immediately lets out our a plaintive, “Tsukkiiii...”

Kei has the immediate urge to laugh hysterically at the scene in front of him. Tadashi’s hair is gelled down awkwardly, with a center part that has his bangs laying flat against the sides of his head.

It’s hideous.

“I was trying to get my cowlick to go down and Lev-san said this would work.” Tadashi holds up sticky fingers. Beside him, Hinata closes a container of gel, his own fingers just as messy.

“It works for me!” Haiba-san’s eyes go wide.

“That’s reason enough for him not to use it.” Kenma-san deadpans.

“Kenmaaa-senpai”

Kei wants to remember this forever. He raises his phone, ready to take a picture, before Tadashi’s hand grips around his forearm.

“If you take a picture of me I will murder you.”

* * *

“How does he do that?” Tanaka-san has his arms folded, digging his toes into the sand as he watches Ennoshita-san chatting with a group of girls by the beach volleyball nets.

“Superpowers, for sure.” Nishinoya-san rests the volleyball he’s holding on his head and rotates from side to side.

“Definitely superpowers.” Yachi-san is nodding gravely, eyes glued to the group of girls.

Kei rolls his eyes and cupping a hand over them to shade them from the sun. “Yachi-san, of everyone here you should have the least amount of problems talking to girls.”

Yachi-san’s eyes widen a fraction, almost looking panicked and she whispers something under her breath that sounds a lot like “I would die.”

Kei looks down at her and almost asks her if she’s okay, but is derailed by Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san hooting loudly as Ennoshita-san starts to run toward them.

“They said they’re just going to play a one set match and then we can have the net,” Ennoshita-san says as he stops in front of them. “They also said they are more than okay with us joining them for a game.”

Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san both freeze at the statement, their mouths hanging open in shock.

“I told them thanks, but no.” Ennoshita looks off too the side, clearly amused with himself.

Kei swears he sees both Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san’s soul escape along with the loud whines of disappointment they let out.

* * *

75 SPF and he’s still going to burn. A prickle of hot skin on the back of his neck confirms it.

Kei bounces change in his hand as he waits in line at the shaved ice vendor, mentally going through all the reasons it’s dumb of him to be out in the sun so much.

“Did you see that guy with the freckles?” A girl in line ahead of him whispers loudly to her friends. The girl’s friends turn, searching out someone behind Kei.

“That one, in the blue shorts?”

“Oh my god. Yes.”

Blue shorts and freckles? Were they talking about Tadashi?

“He’s so cute!”

“Not cute - hot.”

“Guys, I think that’s his girlfriend though. I saw them together yesterday too.” One of the girls points a finger out.

Kei looks back confused. Tadashi doesn’t have a girlfriend. Kei follows their gaze out, landing on Tadashi with-

Oh, Yachi-san. Kei bites down a snort at the girls’ mistake.

Tadashi is engaged in energetic conversation with Yachi-san, smiling and waving his arms enthusiastically. Kei sees Kageyama call out something as he sets the ball and then spikes the ball over the net softly as Tadashi lifts Yachi-san up with both arms so she can block the ball over the net.

“See, they’re definitely together.”

_Definitely. Together._

Kei’s heart stutters.

* * *

The beach isn’t so bad once the sun starts to go down. In fact, Kei might even admit he’s having a good time.

He lets his feet dangle down off the rock he is sitting on, watching as Tadashi pokes a driftwood stick into a craige, trying to fish something out. Kageyama and Hinata had left them momentarily, promising to return soon with sparklers and Yachi-san.

There’s a yell from a little ways down the beach - Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san are destroying a “sand castle” they built earlier by taking running leaps into it.

Something furry and disgustingly slimy winds around Kei’s ankle and he can’t help the undignified yelp that comes out of him as he snatches his feet out the water.

Tadashi laughs at Kei’s reaction, loud and hearty, startling a seagull next to them. He leans into Kei for a moment, rocking back with the momentum of his laugh. His skin is sun warm and Kei finds himself wanting to chase the touch.

Tadashi smells like sunblock and heat and his smile is blinding against tan skin.

_Beautiful._

Kei allows himself a momentary fantasy. One where Tadashi would be laughing just as he is know, happy and carefree, and Kei would pull Tadashi in. Kiss him along his jawline and nuzzle into his neck.

The breeze catches Tadashi’s hair, blowing it across his face and Kei snickers as he splutters as it gets in his mouth.

Tadashi reaches back, gathering his hair and holding it at the base of his head in a loose ponytail.

“Your hair is getting really long, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi doesn’t reply right away, he seems to have his attention caught on something out by the horizon. Finally his shoulders relax a bit and he looks back as far as the hand holding his hair back will let him. “I can cut it when we get back.”

“I didn’t say you had to. I just said it was getting long.”

Tadashi looks back out at the ocean and drops his hold, letting the hair swing back around his head. “Do you like it long?”

Kei balks. What is he supposed to say? He likes Tadashi’s hair any way he wears it. Long hair? Fantastic! Short hair? Amazing. At this point, Kei is pretty sure Tanaka-san could shave Tadashi’s head and he’d still be enthusiastic about how it looks.

_Answer, Kei._

Tadashi shakes his head, giving a small little laugh. He twists around on the rock, looking at Kei with a grin. “Maybe you should let your hair grow out, Tsukki.”

“It would be a big pouf. It’s too wavy.”

“You would look like Hinata.” Tadashi teases him by reaching out and messing up Kei’s hair, making it stand on end.

Kei’s heart flips, even as Tadashi’s hands leave him.

“Oh, yes. Very nice,” Tadashi snickers.

Kei grabs Tadashi’s arm at the elbow. “I will throw you into the water.”

Tadashi gives him a smirk. “As if you could.”

Kei pushes against Tadashi, trying to throw him off balance. Tadashi puts his other hand up, catching Kei’s own as it comes up in defense.

Kei doesn’t care that he’s acting like a 10 year old - giddy and hyper. Maybe it’s the two bowls of shaved iced he ate earlier or maybe he could blame it on heat stroke, but all he cares about is that Tadashi’s fingers are laced through his.

There’s a clatter as the shale underneath Kei shifts and slides off rock. Tadashi takes the distraction to get the upper hand and presses into Kei hard enough that Kei begins to topple.

Except he doesn’t.

Tadashi tightens his hold on Kei’s hand and wraps his other around Kei’s bicep, keeping Kei firmly rooted to the rock.

“I think I’ve spent a little more time on upper body strength than you, Tsukki.”

* * *

Tadashi has all but moved over to Kei’s futon, arm flopped between them and fingers gently dug into Kei’s shirt.

Kei wonders if he could make an experiment. Increase the distance between their futons to see if Tadashi would still move toward him in his sleep.

He looks back up at the ceiling. It’s the middle of the night and he’s having an existential crisis in a room with fifteen other people.

He doesn’t know what to do with this crush.

Kei feels like it’s an object. An object of significant weight and mass and he just needs to find a place to put it.

He digs his fingers into the covers, letting nervous energy move through his hand.

The past few weeks he hasn’t even once thought about Tadashi liking someone else or someone else liking Tadashi. Kei winces internally at the strange gut pull the thought gives him.

He’s selfish to think there is no one else in Tadashi’s life that likes him.

He rolls to his side, away from Tadashi, and tucks an elbow underneath his head.

Just because Tadashi is with him everyday. Just because he is Kei’s best friend. Just because Kei thinks he’s the most wonderful thing in existence - doesn’t mean that Tadashi returns his feelings.

In fact, Tadashi might very well already have his heart set on someone else.

_Fuck._

Kei does one more flip, laying on his stomach and pressing his face into the pillow.

He feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t tell Tadashi soon.

* * *

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [7:35PM]**
> 
> This sunburn is never going to go away.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [7:36PM]**
> 
>   * ︿●
> 

> 
> Want me to go buy you more aloe?

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [7:36PM]**
> 
> Buy me a quick death.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [7:37PM]**
> 
> So dramatic.

* * *

Kei can feel the overwhelming din of the metropolitan gymnasium through the wall he’s leaning on. He absently smooths over the tape edge on his thumb - thirty minutes before they’re on the court.

Shimada-san spots them in the hall as they wait and walks toward Tadashi and Kei.

“How are you feeling?” Shimada-san lightly claps Tadashi’s shoulder.

“Good.” Tadashi punches a fist into his palm. “I still kinda wish I had practiced more.”

“How could have we practiced more!?” Kei blurts out, looking at Tadashi incredulously.

_You did extra practice almost every day!_

Shimada-san laughs heartily, this time clapping Tadashi on the shoulder even harder. “Tadashi always manages to get a few extra serves in during practice.”

Tadashi _hmphs_ like they’re both being ridiculous. “It’s only just a few! _And_ you said you wanted to stay late too, Tsukki.”

“Tadashi is just one of those people you can’t say no to.” Shimada-san is grinning at Kei.

“S’not that hard.” Kei flushes at Shimada-san’s unexpected teasing, tripping over his words.

He could say no to Tadashi.

He could.

* * *

“Good work, Tsukki!” Tadashi calls out as Kei walks to the bench box.

Kei removes his goggles and wipes the sweat from his face with his shoulder. “Thanks.”

Kinoshita-san and Narita-san both offer him lo-fives and call out words of encouragement before turning back to watch the court.

He stretches his legs, working the lactic acid out from his muscles. This match was intense. He feels a grin tug at the side of his mouth.

He has a plan.

Kei moves into Tadashi’s space, coming up to his back and catching his attention with a light touch to the elbow as he leans in closer to Tadashi’s ear. “Did you notice their number eight yet?”

Tadashi looks off toward the opposing court and then turns his head more toward Kei. “He rarely ever receives, they always cover for him.”

“Whatever rotation he’s on when you get up to serve - aim it directly at him.”

Kei’s not sure why he’s so close to Tadashi, it’s not like anyone can hear them plotting over the cacophony of yells and cheers on the court and in the stands. It just seemed more important somehow, more serious, to whisper strategy to each other.

Tadashi turns back a smidge more, his shoulder bumping into Kei’s chest. “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

Karasuno loses in their fourth match. To Itachiyama.

It’s not like losing last year’s Interhigh preliminaries which ended in almost the entire team crying into their food (Kei likes to exclude himself from that). Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei still take them out for a team dinner, but the atmosphere is different.

Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san are ribbing on the first years, slapping them on their backs, telling them to cheer up while they shout stories about how bad they were as first years. Yachi-san tuts around asking them if anyone needs more napkins, or bandaids, or really anything that she is physically be able to get for them. Tadashi is stuffing noodles into his mouth while animatedly talking to Ennoshita-san, who doesn’t seem phased by the blatant lack of manners he’s being subjected to.

It’s as if the loss hasn’t set in yet.

Kei can run through any of number of things he could have done differently - a faster read or a stronger block. It’s just that, the failure isn’t giving way to devastation, if anything he feels fired up. He’s already anticipating the Spring High prelims.

But, there’s two people who don’t seem to share the rest of the team’s acceptance.

Kei looks up from his bowl and across the table at the silent figures of Kageyama and Hinata. They’ve barely said a word since the game ended and their bowls are still full. Yachi takes a seat in between them, trying her best to pull Hinata into a conversation.

_It’s scary when they’re quiet._

“Yamaguchi and you did awesome together. That last serve and block was unbelievable.” Kinoshita-san pulls Kei’s attention away from the others. He’s holding his fist out in congratulations and Kei bumps it with his own.

“I was afraid that Yamaguchi would sentence me to a hundred more hours of practice if we messed up.” Kei smirks.

Over the last couple months Tadashi had quickly been gaining a reputation for putting the entire team through their paces at practice - urging them into longer practices or encouraging them to do a little more than they thought possible.

Kinoshita-san laughs loudly. “You know he would!”

* * *

After dinner Kageyama and Hinata are still quiet - they don’t even sit with each other on the bus. Hinata sits with Yachi-san, hunkering down into the bus seat and Kei can see Kageyama through the space between the wall of the bus and the seat in front of him - face unreadably blank, staring out the window.

Kei feels his phone vibrate on his leg.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [7:07PM]**
> 
> What if they start fighting again?
> 
> Maybe we should do something?

 

Kei glances at Tadashi. He’s staring down at his phone, bottom lip pulled between his teeth with concern.

 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [7:07PM]**
> 
> They can work it out
> 
> Kei feels, more than sees, Tadashi pout, the slouch of his shoulder pressed into Kei a tell.

  

> **Tsukishima Kei [7:08PM]**
> 
> They aren’t angry with each other
> 
> They’re angry at themselves.

* * *

It takes two weeks. Two weeks before Kei gets an early morning text from Tadashi saying that he’s worried and they need to get to practice early that day.

When they get to the gym Yachi-san is already there, sitting on the step outside with a notebook in her lap.

“Yacchan?” Tadashi sounds concerned as he walks up to her.

“They were already here when I got here.” She turns around, peering through the entryway netting. “I’m not even sure how they got in.”

Tadashi puts a hand out to steady himself on the doorframe and peers in. Kei can hear the squeak of shoes against the gym floor and can just see Hinata running out of view past the door.

“Are they…?” Tadashi stops, question unfinished like he doesn’t know what he’s most concerned about. Angry? Okay? Fighting?

“No, I think they’re okay.” Yachi smiles up at Tadashi reassuringly and Kei feels a pull in his chest when Tadashi smiles back at her and holds out both hands to pull her up to standing.

* * *

> ****|  | _Yamaguchi has added Hinata to the chat_  
> ---|---|---  
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  HELLO!  
> **NOYA** |  |  Who’s this?  
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  Hinata!  
> **NOYA** |  |  WHAT! WHAT!  
> **Ace_senpai** |  |  Hinata gettin’ with the times!  
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  Yamaguchi gave me a cool name too.  
> **YachiH✿** |  |  It’s very cool Shou-kun  
> **Setter_Spirit** |  |  Not as cool as mine.   
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  Is too!  
> |  | ノಠ_ಠノ  
> **Setter_Spirit** |  |  Is not.  
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  Tadashi said it was the coolest name he could think of.  
> **Setter_Spirit** |  |  For you. He probably didn’t have a lot of options.  
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  BAKAYAMA (`A´)  
> **Ennoshita** |  |  I’m imposing a chat limit for the both of you. One text per five minutes.  
> **Flying_Crow** |  |  T_T  
> **TsukKei** |  |  Thank god  
  
* * *

“What do you want for your birthday, Tsukki?” Tadashi is looking at him from upside down on Kei’s bed, textbook held straight above his head.

 _You_.

Kei shifts on the floor, back sliding against the bed frame. “You don’t need to get me anything.”

“I always get you something.”

“Yamaguchi.” Kei sighs.

Tadashi closes his book and rolls to his side, propping himself up on one elbow to look at Kei right-side up.

“New sports goggles. A book. Something for school.” Tadashi lights up, a grin on his face as he brings a palm down on the bed. “New socks! Of course, perfect.”

Kei laughs, shifting further to look at Tadashi. “Do not buy me socks.”

“You’re getting socks, unless you can think of something else you want.” The phrasing is light and teasing, but Kei catches something odd in way Tadashi is looking at him. Eyes open and hopeful, though his mouth set in seriousness.

_He really wants to know if I want something this year._

There’s centimeters between them, Kei could lean in right now. Kiss Tadashi softly on his cheek and tell him he wants nothing more than to be Tadashi’s boyfriend.

But Tadashi is asking him about birthday presents, not relationships. Socks, not kisses.

Kei licks his lips once, willing his eyes not to land on Tadashi’s own. “I’ll...I’ll let you know if I think of anything.”

Tadashi seems to consider this for a moment, before heaving up to a sitting position. “Okay.” He states his next sentence to the wall. “I think I’m going to put pjs on.” The bed rocks slightly as he rolls off of and starts toward Kei’s dresser.

Kei hums in acknowledgement and goes back to his textbook. “I will in a little bit. I just need to finish this page.”

There’s muffled agreement as Tadashi digs through his designated bottom drawer.

Kei is startled by loud giggles that quickly turn into raucous howls of laughter. He looks up and finds Tadashi standing in front of the dresser in a shirt that’s a couple centimeters too short for him and way too tight, fabric stretching out across his chest.

“I...I…” Tadashi is trying to get words out from around his laughter. “Oh my god!” He tugs down at the bottom of the shirt trying to stretch out the fabric. “I could have sworn I wore this shirt like...weeks ago.”

Kei does what any sane individual would do and lifts his phone up for a picture.

“Tsukki, I will straight up murder you if you send a picture to anyone.”

Kei’s phone gives a loud shutter noise in response. “The picture is my birthday present.”

Whatever Tadashi quips back in response is lost as he pulls the shirt back over his head, managing to get stuck part way. There’s an angry grunt and a lot more frantic pulling as Kei looks on amused.

Tadashi’s head finally pops free and he holds the shirt glaring at it. “Not cool.”

“Taking your anger out on the poor shirt?”

Tadashi sticks his tongue out at Kei before dropping the shirt, unfolded, into the drawer again. “I really thought I had more shirts in here.”

“You can wear one of mine if you need to.” Kei closes his textbook, throwing his pencil on the table and starts to gather his study materials. “Besides, mine are already used to you drooling on them.”

“I do not drool, Tsukki!”

* * *

Kei moves to the side allowing Tadashi room at the sink as he shuffles groggily into the open bathroom door. Tadashi yawns, stretching his arms over his head and Kei fights the urge to place his cold fingers on Tadashi’s waist just to see his reaction.

He doesn’t.

Kei squeezes toothpaste onto his brush, distracting himself by watching the water run into the sink.

Tadashi is talking, he doesn’t stop even after he starts to brush his teeth. “Whaduy wa suday?”

_Cute._

Kei raises an eyebrow at him and Tadashi smiles around his toothbrush, eyes crinkling, knowing full well that he is understood even around a mouth full of foam.

“I don’t care what we do today,” Kei answers.

Tadashi leans over to spit into the sink, holding his hair back. Kei sees Tadashi’s eyes land on his shirt through the mirror.

“Is that from me?”

Tadashi’s gaze is on a wet spot just below Kei’s shoulder. His face looks open but the words have a strange tenseness to them.

It shouldn’t be a big deal to tell the truth, but the tension makes Kei say, “Water from the sink.”

Tadashi’s brows furrow and for a moment Kei thinks he’s going to call him out for lying. But the grin comes back and the tension in Tadashi’s body eases as he drops his toothbrush into the stand.

“Messy, Tsukki.

  
  
  



	6. Slowly, Till it Fades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tadashi slept in Akiteru’s bed last night.” Kei’s mother comments as she walks past him to the kitchen.
> 
> Kei stiffens, gripping one of the couch pillows tightly. Exactly what he is trying not to think about. “Sorry, I can wash the sheets.”
> 
> He waits for her to ask why they didn’t just drag out the extra futon or even why they decided, after seven years, to not share the bed. But she doesn’t, she only comes up behind him and ruffles his hair. “It’s okay, Kei.”
> 
> He wants to tell her that nothing has been less okay.
> 
> Ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so, hmmm. Almost a year and a half later, and probably no one reads Haikyuu fanfic anymore. It's been giving me nightmares that I left this story unfinished.
> 
> Fair warning, it's completely unedited and I finished writing it on my phone, which was a terrible experience.
> 
> To all the Tsukkiyama diehards out there...I love you all.

“I’m telling you! Ya really missed out never meeting Kiyoko-san. She was an angel that graced Karasu-”

Kei pulls his warm up jersey over his head, tuning out Tanaka-san’s overly-exuberant reminiscing with the first years. Said reminiscing started out as the typical ‘What kind of girl was whose type’ - exactly the kind of conversation Kei liked to stay out of.

He runs a hand down the back of his head where he can feel his hair ruffled from changing and slips his glasses back on with the other.  _ As long as no one asks me what my type is. _

Kei feels eyes on him and glances back as he grabs his undershirt from where his school clothes are folded on the shelf. Tadashi is half in his gym uniform shirt, half out, staring at him. Well, probably not  _ at _ him, he looks about a hundred miles away.

“Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi blinks, eyes focusing onto Kei’s and reddens at being caught spacing out. He pulls his jersey the rest of the way off and laughs nervously, “I'm here. I was just...Nothing.”

Kei raises an eyebrow at Tadashi’s lack of communication and opens his mouth to tease him. “Just n-”

“-Tadashi!” 

“-Yamaguchi-san!” One of the first years calls over to them, racing Tanaka-san to get Tadishi’s attention. “What's your type?” 

“My type?” Tadashi repeats lamely, wringing his jersey in his hands slowly.

“I think Tadashi-kun likes blondes.” Nishinoya-san hoots, pulling on his school jacket with a lot more acrobatic moves than necessary.

Tadashi splutters and turns around quickly to stuff his jersey in his gym back.

Kei sets his teeth, a sudden sharp pain hitting him the chest.

Everyone knows then - about Yachi. 

He zips his bag shut with more force than he means to, catching a wad of fabric in the zip. 

“Nishinoya Yuu.” Ennoshita-san whacks him on the head with one of the playbooks. “Don't say such blunt things.”

Ennoshita catches Kei’s eyes and offers him a small, apologetic-looking grin which confuses Kei.

No one asks Kei what his type is.

* * *

“Say...Tsukki.”

Kei is rooting through his dresser, looking for a matching pair of socks to put on. Empathically ignoring the pair that Tadashi had teasingly given him for his birthday. “Hmm?”

“What they were talking about before,” Tadashi pushes out stiffly as he hugs one of Kei’s sweatshirts to his chest. “Nishinoya-san. What he said. I just didn’t...he said something...my…”

“I don’t think I can understand that level of Japanese, Tadashi.” Kei knows exactly what Tadashi is saying, but everything in him doesn’t want to have this conversation.  _ Not yet. _

Tadashi makes a strained sound and Kei looks at him, hip checking the drawer closed.

“What did Nishinoya-san say?” Kei almost feels guilty pretending like he doesn’t remember the conversation. He just wants more time. More time before Tadashi tells him he’s in love with someone else. 

He pushes down the word “selfish” as it hits his conscience.

“Nevermind. It was nothing.”

Kei lets out air through his nose, trying to relieve the tension in his checking chest. He turns toward his bed, unbuttons his school shirt robotically and puts it on a hanger.

“I can really tell you’ve been working out.” Tadashi says from behind him.

Kei half turns to Tadashi, still taking off his undershirt with an eyebrow raised.

Tadashi is looking at his back, but realizes that Kei is looking at him and then looks panicked. “I mean...like, your performance. How you play. You just seem a lot stronger.”

Kei tugs his shirt down, “Hmph. I guess I owe it to Kageyama.” He pauses, before stating, “Never tell him I said that.”

Tadashi does a zip motion across his lips. “My lips are sealed...until I want to blackmail you.”

“Mmhmm. Whatever.” Kei rolls his eyes and pulls his sweatshirt on.  “Turn the light off before you get in bed.”

When he puts his glasses back on Tadashi is looking at the ground, mouth pulled into a somewhat pained looking smile.

“Ah, actually, Tsukki.” Tadashi almost mumbles this, ringing his shirt between his hands. “I think maybe it would be best if I slept on a futon. ”

“Huh?” What the hell was Tadashi even saying. _A_ _futon_?

“A futon. Or I could always sleep in Akiteru’s bed.” 

Panic. 

“Why?” Kei prays that Tadashi can’t hear the confused desperation in his voice.

“W-why?” Tadashi makes a strangled noise, before clearing his throat. “It’s just. Just that - you only have a bed. I mean a small bed. For us. It’s too small.” 

Kei sits stiffly at the edge of his bed, dumbfounded at Tadashi’s words. 

“You’re too…” Tadashi looks at him. “Tall; you’re too tall.  _ We’re _ too tall now.”

Kei has a million reasons why this is absurd, but suddenly realizes that maybe begging Tadashi back into his bed might be strange.

“Okay.” If that’s what Tadashi wants- Kei gets up. “I can get the extra futons.”

“No. No. That’s okay.” Tadashi looks at the ground. “Why don’t I just sleep in Akiteru’s bed. It’s late and I don’t want to disturb anyone.” Tadashi smiles big, eyes squinting shut. “I’ll be fine.”

_ But I won’t be. I’m not. _

“Okay. Well. Then.” Kei stands awkwardly in the middle of his room. “Goodnight, Yamaguchi.”

Tadashi blinks at him, unmoving. “Uh, yeah...good night, Tsukki.” It takes another moment before he opens Kei’s bedroom door and pauses before walking through. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Mm.” 

Tadashi flips the light switch and closes the bedroom door as Kei sits back down on the edge of his bed, stunned at the sudden downhill spiral that just took place.

He feels rejected. 

Kei reaches a hand out to his bedside lamp; the sound of it clicking off, echoing in the dark. He lays down, not even bothering to get under the covers and rolls to stare at the wall. His glasses are pushing uncomfortably against his nose and the side of his face, but makes no move to remove them.

Did he do something to make Tadashi feel uncomfortable? 

No. 

Tadashi told him exactly the reason why. It was logical. They were two grown human beings and it was finally time that they were too big to fit in one bed. It was normal. The normal progression of growing up and getting older.  

Kei takes his glasses off.

_ I wasn’t ready. _

_ I wanted more time. _

If one thing is loud and clear, Tadashi has no interest in anything romantic between them.

* * *

“Tadashi slept in Akiteru’s bed last night.” Kei’s mother comments as she walks past him to the kitchen.

Kei stiffens, gripping one of the couch pillows tightly. Exactly what he is trying  _ not _ to think about. “Sorry, I can wash the sheets.”

He waits for her to ask why they didn’t just drag out the extra futon or even why they decided, after seven years, to not share the bed. But she doesn’t, she only comes up behind him and ruffles his hair. “It’s okay, Kei.”

He wants to tell her that nothing has been less okay.

Ever.

* * *

The next few months are a blur. Kei throws himself into practice, as does the whole team. Late nights, extra workouts, he’s exhausted every day.

But exhaustion is better than letting the aching emptiness creep in and the extra practice wins the team a return spot at nationals. Karasuno lands a seeded slot and is the second team representing Miyagi alongside Dateko. It’s the first time in fifteen years that Miyagi is hosting Spring High.

“I have an announcement.” Tanaka yells across the gym, excitement barely contained.

“No, you don’t. Sit down.” Ennoshita puts his hands on Tanaka’s shoulders and pushes him toward the rest of the team. “Everyone!  _ Takeda-sensei _ has an announcement to make.”

Takeda-sensei is barely keeping his own excitement in check, waving the team to take a seat.

“Kageyama. Tsukishima.” Takeda-sensei is practically rocking in excitement and Coach Ukai is standing behind him, hands on his hips and a proud grin on his face. “ _ Both _ of you have been invited to practice with the Japan Youth team this year.”

There’s a beat of silence as the team processes the information before the gym is drowning in hoots and yells. 

* * *

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**
> 
> Don’t forget underwear

 

> **Tsukishima Kei**
> 
> Yes, mother

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**
> 
> Want me to go to the station with you tomorrow?

 

> **Tsukishima Kei**
> 
> No, it’s fine.
> 
> I’m going with Kageyama. 
> 
> He won’t have to get worried about getting lost.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**
> 
> You’ve got Kageyama. I’ve got Hinata. 
> 
> Are we pet sitting? Or child sitting?

 

> **Tsukishima Kei**
> 
> Community service.

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi**
> 
> Pfffft.
> 
> Text me when you get there!

 

Kei doesn’t answer, leaving the I’ll miss you unsent in the message box

* * *

> **Tsukishima Kei**
> 
> I swear to god Hinata if you show up in Tokyo

 

> **Hinata Shouyou**
> 
> I ALREADY KNOW STUPIDSHIMA!

 

> **Tsukishima Kei**
> 
> Did Ukai-san tell you you’d be banned from playing at Nationals if you do anything stupid?

 

> **Hinata Shouyou**
> 
> _ Read 11:45AM _

* * *

There’s been players that have annoyed Kei to play against - red hair from Shiratorizawa, Kurou Tetsurou, Kageyama... but  _ no one _ sets Kei on edge as much as Atsumu Miya.

Kei wonders if ‘abhor’ is too strong a word to describe his feelings on Atsumu.

Kei wonders if ‘abhor’ is strong enough.

And right now Atsumu is on his team. Or at the very least, playing on the same side of the net as Kei.

“Did you think you could just skate by with height and a pretty face, Kei-chan?” Atsumu beams the most disgusting smile Kei has ever seen in his life. “And here I thought you were a genius, not just good looking.”

Kageyama had warned Kei about the underhanded compliments of the setter. Kei just hadn’t realized that the compliments would make him feel like punching Atsumu in the face.

Kei wants to point out that Karasuno had beaten them during last years nationals. He would like to personally reintroduce Miya to the fact that Kei had been the only one able block his and his brother’s god-like quick. 

Kageyama looks at Miya through the net, he looks like he wants to say something, but stops when he sees Kei rolls his eyes.

If Kageyama could last a week with Osamu last year then so could Kei.

* * *

Nighttime in the dorms is a blessed reprieve from the stress of the courts during the day, even if Kei did have to share a room with Kageyama.

Kei looks across from him where Kageyama is digging through his duffle, then turns his gaze to the ceiling.

“How long are you going to play volleyball.” Kei doesn’t look back at Kageyama, barely registering he’s asking the question out loud.

“Forever. I’m going to play for the national team.” Kei wants to laugh at the absurd surety in Kageyama’s tone, but doesn’t because for some reason Kei actually believes it might happen.

“Okay.” 

He hears Kageyama pause in his rummaging. “Aren’t you?”

“What? Play for the  _ national  _ team of Japan?” Kei asks equally parts amused and annoyed.

“Why not? You like volleyball right?” Such simple logic. “Even if you don’t, why not go for it a hundred percent?” He hates it when Kageyama makes sense.

Something clicks, a solution. Kei has solved a problem.

“You’re right.”

Kageyama whips his head up, looking at him with trepidation. “What?”

“I said you’re right.”

* * *

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [AM]**
> 
> What time is your train coming in tomorrow?

 

> **Tsukkishima Kei [AM]**
> 
> 1:30PM

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [AM]**
> 
> I can come meet you

Kei grips his phone a little tighter than necessary. Reading Tadashi’s text makes him feel homesick in ways he can’t explain.

> **Tsukkishima Kei [AM]**
> 
> Okay

It’s not  _ just _ okay. What Kei really wants to say is “I can’t wait.”, “I’ve missed you.”, “I love you.”

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [AM]**
> 
> Hinata’s coming too.
> 
> He’s sleeping over tonight. 

 

> **Tsukishima Kei**
> 
> Community service week is almost over.

* * *

Kei isn’t sure what the scientific explanation was of a single hair band changing how Tadashi looked so immensely, but he wasn’t about to try to figure it out.

He’s never been so distracted in his life. Damn it. He’s read a line of homework only to look up seconds later and get caught up with the site of Tadashi leaning over his own homework.

Something about Tadashi’s hair swept back made his freckles stand out in a way that make Kei want to reach out and touch them. The soft fringe of hair that is already escaping makes his eyes sparkle and his smile look brighter.

Kei taps his pencil on the table in frustration with his own inability to get a grip.  

Kei looks down and absentmindedly starts counting the rows of texts on the page.  _ 13, 14, 15… _

What the fuck. Why is he counting his literature homework.

He huffs slightly, pushing the book away from him. He is being stupid.

_ Stupid. _

“Tsukki?”

Kei snaps his eyes to Tadashi’s.

“You good?”

Kei sets his face, hoping it’s not as red as it feels. “I’m really not into this.”

Tadashi cocks his head slightly, letting the concern on his face melt in an amused grin. “I’m sorry...I don’t think I understand the words that are coming out of your mouth right now, “Mr-Study-Till-I-Die.”

Kei quirks his mouth, taking the opportunity to joke instead of fester in his own crush. “What? Do I need to say it in a different language?” He pushes his glasses up. “ Je ne veux pas faire ça. ”

“Now you’re just showing off!” Tadashi smiles wide, freckles falling into the crinkles around his eyes.

_ Maybe a little. _

Tadashi closes his own notebook and zips up his pencil bag. Kei starts to protest, but Tadashi shrugs. “What? You said you didn’t want to anymore.”

Kei feels guilty. He shouldn’t keep Tadashi from studying just because he can’t keep his own mind at the task at hand.

Selfishly, on half of his ability to function, he hopes Tadashi never wears it like that again.

* * *

Apparently, it’s a problem even if Tadashi hasn’t worn his hair up in front of Kei since that night they were studying.

A big problem.

Guilt doesn’t begin to describe what Kei’s feeling today.

Remorse. Self-loathing.

Kei stares down at the notebook on his desk - a notebook that should be filling up with today’s physics lecture. 

The worst is that he can feel Yamaguchi’s eyes on him every once in awhile. Kei knows he’s just concerned by the way Kei was acting toward him on the walk to school this morning. But there’s a small unbalanced part of him that is convinced that Yamaguchi must know. 

He’d been so good at not thinking about Tadashi, but yesterday Kei’s control had cracked. At practice there had been this magnetic look in Tadashi’s eye after he’d pulled off a perfectly aim full jump serve. It was a look that had taken Kei’s breath away. A look that he’d mistakenly let himself think about in bed. That image overlayed with the image of Tadashi with his hair up caused Kei to go down a rabbit hole of fantasy and to come harder than he had in his life.

_ Twice. _

Kei laces his fingers together and wedges them under his chin, frowning deeply.

He’s fucked.

* * *

“Tsukishima. Stand still.” Nishinoya commands as he wraps a flimsy string of christmas lights around Kei.

Kei tries to cross his arms,“This is harassment.”

“We need a Christmas tree!” Hinata retorts, hopping around Kei. 

“Then why aren’t we using an actually fucking tree?”

Tanaka knocks Kei on the back of the head. “Tut, tut. Such language, kohai.”

“Like you don-”   

“Tsukki.” Tadashi says in “that voice” as he throws tinsel on Kei’s shoulder.

Kei tsks, but settles under Tadashi’s admonition. This would only take a few minutes.

“All right!” Hinata yells out, carrying a headband that Yachi had stuck a glittery star to. “I’ve got the topper.”

“Do  _ NOT _ put that on me.”

“Do it, Hinata,” Tanaka-san goades. Behind him Ennoshita-san is placing his camera on a stand, ready for action.

“Someone plug Tsukishima in.”

“Got it!”

Kei jerks, temporarily blinded as the bulbs wrapped around him light up.

“Everyone hold up your presents!” Ennoshita-san directs. “Noya. Get in front. I can’t see you.”

Yachi-san takes Ennoshita-san’s place at the camera and he runs to get in the photo himself.

“Okay, everyone!” Yachi calls out, concentrating on the screen in front of her. “On the count of three yell out Merry Christmas!”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

* * *

Incessant buzzing from his phone on his bedside table rouses Kei from the half-sleep he’s been swimming in. He snakes his arm out of the covers keeping his blankets bunched up to his nose.

His notifications show a swarm of unread texts and chats from last night and some from this morning-

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [12:00am]**
> 
> Happy New Year!!!!

 

> **Ennoshita Takara [12:01am]**
> 
> Happy New Year!
> 
>  
> 
> **Yachi Hitoka[12:01am]**
> 
> Happy New Year, Tsukishima!

 

**HinataS** Happy New Year!

**Kageyama** Happy New Year

**Yamaguchi** Happy New Year

**Yachi** Happy New Year

**Hinata** Who wants to go to the shrine?

I want to get a good luck charm

**Kageyama** Why do you want a good luck charm?

**Hinata** None of your business

Who’s coming?

**Yamaguchi** I’ll go Hinata

:D

**Yachi** I’ll go!

**Hinata** YAY!

**Kageyama.** Nah

**Hinata** D:

That’s exactly what you said last year!

**Kageyama** Yep

**Hinata** I hope you get a whole year of bad luck

  
  


> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:00AM]**
> 
> Good morning, Tsukki
> 
> :D

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [8:00AM]**
> 
> How are you all up so early

 

> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:00AM]**
> 
> I’m not sure Hinata ever went to bed
> 
> You good with staying home today?

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [8:01AM]**
> 
> Yeah. 
> 
> Akiteru’s home, so I’m sure okasan will want us all to do something.
> 
>  
> 
> **Yamaguchi Tadashi [8:01AM]**
> 
> Okay, Tsukki!
> 
> Have fun today :D
> 
> Get out of bed at some point.

 

Kei huffs at the last line and snuggles further under his comforter in response. The only New Year’s tradition he needs is staying in bed.

“Kei!” Akiteru calls outside his bedroom door in a voice that means he has every intention of not letting Kei complete his New Year’s tradition.

Kei draws up covers fully over his head. No.

“KEI!” Akiteru repeats as he swings open Kei’s bedroom door.

“NO!”

Kei hears the suspicious pounding of feet and then silence before a heavy weight is landing between him and the wall, nearly crushing him.

“You awake?” Kei hears the laugh in Akiteru’s voice.

Kei pushes the covers down and glowers at his brother. “I am now.”

“You’re just not intimidating without your glasses.”

“Shut up.” Kei reaches over and grabs his glasses, putting them on in fake annoyance. “Get off, there isn’t room for you in here.”

Akiteru pulls his face into a pout that Kei would like to point out makes him look about twelve. “You and Tadashi fit! Why can’t I.”

“Yamaguchi sleeps in your bed now.” 

“Oh.” There’s a question or maybe even concern in his response and Kei mentally cringes at the possibility of having to talk about this.

After a beat of silence Akiteru grins and heaves himself up. “Breakfast is ready.”

* * *

 

“Come in, Kei! You know you don’t have to knock.” Tadashi’s mother ushers Kei inside, waving a hand at him when he tries to offer a greeting. “Tadashi should be here in about twenty minutes. He said you’d be get here before him. I actually have something I need your help with if you don’t mind.”

Kei nods as he slips off his shoes and follows her down the hall, listening to her friendly chatter. He likes Yamaguchi’s mom - she’s exuberantly friendly and always willing to talk. Tadashi, himself, is a carbon copy of her personality and her exact opposite in looks. She’s tiny and soft around the edges, not a freckle in sight. 

“I should have done this before New Year’s. But you know how work gets. Or at least you will...someday.” She stops in front of a large storage closet. She slides the door open and puts a hand on her hip, looking up at the top shelf and sighs. “Can you get those futons for me?”

“Sure.” Kei reaches up and grabs the bundle of folded futons.

“Such a help! I’ve really been meaning to buy a step stool, but I’m spoiled with Tadashi around.”

Kei doesn’t answer, the futons wedged under his chin and filling up his arms. 

“Just outside, I’ll get the door!” She goes to the balcony door and slides it open, stepping out and patting the railing. “Right here.”

Kei huffs as he drops the futons over the rail, spreading them out as Tadashi’s mom follows behind with clips.

“Tadashi tells me that you’re quite the star volleyball player this year.” She smiles teasingly.

“Not that good.” He feels surprised, he hadn’t thought about Tadashi talking about him with other people.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. From the way he tells it, you’re probably the best in the world.” There’s a sly look in her eyes, exactly the same kind of look that Tadashi gets when he knows he’s got the upperhand.

Kei blushes unbidden. “He’s being dramatic.”

“All Japan Youth.” Yamaguchi’s mother states, hand going to her chin. “I suppose take over Japan first, the world second. Then, Tadashi’s statement can be true.”

“That might take a while.” 

“You’re young. You’ve got time.”

“Yamaguchi’s doing well this year too.” It’s easier to talk about someone else.

She tilts her head, looking reflective. “He never says.”

“He’s first choice for captain next year.” 

She looks at him a little bit shocked, mandarin rind dropping to the table. “Captain!? Really he hasn’t said anything about himself.” 

“He works harder than anyone else. He deserves it.”

“I’m so proud.” Yamaguchi’s mother smile tugs at the side of her mouth, and she covers her mouth with her hand. “I’m glad you’re still playing together.”

“Me too.”

* * *

“Hinata and I are going out.”

Kei stops.  _ Holy shit. _ “You asked him out?”

“No.” Kageyama looks slightly dejected by this. “He beat me to it.”

“When?”

“Uh, New Year’s Day. That night.” Kageyama blushes, “Hinata bought a luck charm just in case.”

“That’s stupid, you would have said yes even if he hadn’t bought it. Waste of money.”

Kageyama frowns, a quizzical expression on his face at Kei. “That’s exactly what I told him.”

Kei can’t think of much to say. He’s happy for Kageyama, but He also feels a deep overwhelming sense of sadness. “Are you happy?”

Kageyama looks down at the ground, pausing. He looks up a slight blush flushing his cheeks and the most genuine smile Kei has ever seen on him breaks across his face. “I am.”

* * *

“Telling secrets?”

Tadashi all but jumps away from Yachi-san, a blush forming on his cheeks. “Tsukki!”

Yachi is looking wide eyed and impossibly guilty about something. “No...no secrets.”

Kei reaches and hands Tadashi one of cans of iced tea he had just bought. He pauses, realizing Yachi-san might have wanted one too. “I’m sorry, I don’t have another one. You can have mine if you want.” 

“No! That’s totally fine!” Yachi-san shakes her head emphatically, smiling brightly at him. “Don’t worry about me. I was just leaving.” She scooches over slightly and pats the seat before standing up. “You can sit here.”

She turns around and grabs her notebook off the bench. “See you later!”

“Later!” Tadashi waves at her, blush still gracing his cheeks. He turns his attention back to Kei, “Still want to see my Physics notes?”

* * *

“All your photos are of Yamaguchi.”

Kei whips around to find Hinata thumbing through his phone pictures. He’d left his phone unattended for seconds - unlocked too, apparently.

“What the fuck, Hinata.” He grabs for the phone and Hinata doesn't put up a fight, only holds it up as Kei snatches it out of his grasp. 

The tang of adrenaline is sharp in his mouth and his stomach feels like it's in knots. What was-

“Tobio said you liked him.”

Kei blinked. What?

“Are you going to ask him out?”

“No.” He glared down at Hinata, trying to cover up the panic in his voice. This was one more person. Secrets got told when too many people knew. “And don't you dare tell him, Hinata.”

“Whoa.” Hinata is staring at him in surprise. “That's the most intense I've ever seen you, Tsukishima.”

Kei sighs, scrunching his eyes closed and kneads the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

“Why won't you?”

“I don’t know. Why didn't you ask Kageyama out a year ago?” 

Hinata pauses and tilts his head. “Dunno.”

Kei sighs again, shoulders hunching in defeat. “He likes someone else.”

“Yamaguchi likes someone else?” Hinata looks around the room like the offending party would be there. “Who?”

“Yachi.” Count on Hinata to be dense.

“You think  _ Yamaguchi _ likes Yachi more than  _ you _ ?” Hinata tilts his head to one one side.

“No, I think Yamaguchi likes me as a friend and Yachi as a girlfriend.” Kei grimaces at Hinata’s lack of understanding. “Why are conversations with you always so difficult?”

Hinata tilts his head to the other side and Kei vindictively hopes it will roll off. “Why do you like him?”

“I love h…” Kei freezes at his automatic correction, the words pushing out before he can stop them.

Hinata jumps up and onto the bench, making him just slightly taller than eye level with Kei. “Tsukishima.” Hinata claps both hands onto Kei’s shoulders, rocking him back slightly. “I believe in you.”

“Huh?” 

“I've totally got some cute pictures of Yama I'll send you.” Hinata jumps down from the bench and all but hops out the door, leaving Kei standing in the middle of the clubroom alone with his cellphone clenched in his hand.

* * *

Hinata never brings up what they had talked about in the clubroom, but he certaining keeps his promise about the photos of Tadashi.

Kei digs in his pocket to grab his incessantly buzzing phone and gives a frustrated sigh.

> **Hinata Shouyou [5:04PM]**
> 
> *1 image attached*

 

> **Hinata Shouyou [5:06PM]**
> 
> *1 image attached*
> 
> *1 image attached*
> 
> *1 image attached*

 

> **Tsukishima Kei [5:06PM]**
> 
> You need to stop.

 

> **Hinata Shouyou [5:04PM]**
> 
> You don’t scare my Sappyshima
> 
> *1 image attached*

 

Kei was going to kill him.

* * *

“Congratulations, Captain.”

“Don’t call me that!” Tadashi squeezes his eyes shut and covers his face with his hands. 

Kei is extremely amused at Tadashi’s insistence not to acknowledge his new title. “Sorry, Captain.”

“Tsukki!” 

“What? I have to practice. I might slip up and call you Yamaguchi in front of the new first years.” Kei says thoughtfully. “It’ll up the intimidation factor.”

“You say that like you weren’t named second best blocker in  _ Japan _ . They’ll be intimidated enough.”

“ _ ‘ _ Second best blocker in Japan  _ still _ doesn’t make me a Captain.” Kei knows this won't make Tadashi less uncomfortable with his new title. “Celebratory steam buns for new Captain?”

Tadashi hmphs, pretending not to hear Kei as he walks on ahead.

Kei reaches out and catches the end of Tadashi’s scarf, giving it a tug. 

Tadashi stops and glares at him. “You’d better be buying.”

* * *

 

It’s cold.

It’s cold and Tadashi is late.

Kei presses his shoulder blades into the wall behind him and sighs. 

It’s their last day of second year and already the thought of next year is suffocating him. 

He has one more year. One more year to decide the final solution to his problem.

There’s two solutions. The first he already knows he won’t do. Tell Tadashi how he feels, throw caution to the wind. Potentially ruin a friendship, or worse make Tadashi feel guilty and ruin his budding relationship with Yachi before it even starts.

The second solution...is doing nothing. 

Absolutely nothing.

He can finish out the last school year, probably the longest year of his life. Kami-sama save him.

And then, it will be over. 

He’s formulated this plan ever since Kagayama’s suggestion to him to aim for the National Team. Kei will work his ass off. He will work as hard as it takes to get a referral. He will go on to university, study and play more volleyball, somewhere away from Tadashi and finally allow this to end.

_ It will be easier when I don’t see him anymore. _

“Tsukki?”

“-Tsukki!”

Kei starts, sliding his ear phones off jerkily. 

“You were really spaced out just now.” Tadashi looks half amused, half concerned. “What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Kei’s gaze flits across the street and then back to Tadashi. “You’re so late I fell asleep on my feet.”

Tadashi  _ pffts _ , stuffing his hands into his coat pockets and Kei takes a long look - taking in the slight tan of Tadashi’s skin, the freckles dancing across his skin, the upturned smile. 

Just as he’s done so many times before this, he lets his imagination lapse into an alternate universe where he would be able to say all the words he keeps inside. Everything he wishes Tadashi could hear him say.

That he is proud of him.

That he is beautiful.

That he is Kei’s best friend in all the ways that matter and a million more.

That he loves him. 

Kei tells himself this feeling will go away. 

He’s in love with Tadashi but it will go away. Slowly. If he puts enough distance between them.

Slowly, till it fades into nothing but a memory. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to read, "These Words You Don't Hear", to get relief from the angst!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to yell at me about Haikyuu!! feel free to message me up on Tumblr at [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goesdoki-doki). I will scream with you.


End file.
